Chester’s Collectibles

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Oh lawdy lawd, you guys, I have recently found a gem. A diamond in the rough. A gold nugget in the land of pyrite. Some rock that is deemed more valuable than all the other rocks. I have found Chester’s Collectables and this is a huge win for VeggieMacabre for so many reasons.

A few weeks ago I was driving back from a meeting at Wake Forest University and spotted a little shop in a dying strip mall. It wasn’t the flashing open sign that caught my attention or even the word “collectables” out front but it was a mask from one of the most iconic horror characters of all time; Pinhead. No shit, Pinhead’s mask was in the storefront window and right then I knew magic happened. It happened all over the place.

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You see, I live in an area of the country that makes life for a nostalgic weirdo, like myself, very difficult. If it wasn’t for eBay, I would probably be a spending money on responsible things and no one wants that. I mean, even Target drags its ass when putting out it’s annual Halloween loot around here. I swear by the God of Thundar, if I see backpacks the last week of September I will cut someone. So, having a collectible shop like this is a real treat.

Another bonus is the owner, Chester, who is a real standup fellow. Maybe it is because he sees dollar signs when I pull up but I like to think he enjoys the conversation and our mutual love for old toys. Or maybe it’s because I’m a buyer and not a seller. Who  knows? But regardless, Chester does give me an all-access pass into the back room full of everything he hasn’t priced out yet or horror movie finds that could scare little kids who could potentially piss the floor. I don’t know Chester too well but I suspect he doesn’t like cleaning pee.

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Sometimes looking a gift horse in the mouth is a bad idea. Brian, from Review the World, had a great idea of starting another segment for this wacky site called, “Chester’s Finds”. Okay, I am still working on the title but essentially its random stuff that I buy to feed random posts and then put together “give away” packs to lucky winners via Twitter every month. I think this might be a fun little way to involve the reader. Also, there’s no way I have room for the random stuff I am about to acquire.

So, a little later on the first post will be popping up and I am excited to show you my haul from this month.

 

Review the World and I Chat about Root Beer and C.H.U.D. 2

It all began in a far away land called Moscow, Idaho. I was a stressed-out student in a medical program the University of Idaho had just flung together called Neuro Applied Science and it took every inch of my soul. Not to mention working full-time at a sales job with a boss that was more of a kid than a leader. The year was 2009 and it was a cold and snowy night. I sat at my kitchen table taking a break from the madness I called “Tuesday” and escaped to the wonderland of a site that was X-Entertainment. A site that was full of humor, nostalgia and news on what Slurpee Kmart had available. Completely me.

There was a small community of people who would comment on various posts and articles and link their own sites to share. That is where I found Brian from Review the World dot com. Immediately I was blown away. Brian’s positivity, sense of adventure and zany trips to explore just about anywhere had me entertained for years. It is impossible to be in a bad mood after a trip with that guy.

Over the years we became pretty good pals taking part in joint reviews and even some projects with Matt from Dinosaur Dracula (X-Entertainment). Then, last month, Brian came down to North Carolina to visit and it was beyond a treat to have him over. Such a genuine dude of character and soul. It is great to know there are truly good people out in the world and it makes the trips on YouTube with Brian even better now that I know him.

So here is a part one of “Beers with Movie Sauce” featuring Brian from RtW. We chat about CHUD 2 and my favorite root beer, Abita. I had a few beers since we just returned from a party/BBQ so ignore my rambling and the way I say “like” every other statement.

A Quick Little Update In HD!

Hey. I am sitting in a meeting listening to people who suck at product support try and talk me into selling their dog shit. Little do they know I am talking to you. They probably think I am taking excessive notes but, no, I am writing a vlog intro to tell you about my last couple weeks and this kick ass new toy I bought just to make my production value increase. Even if by a nose.

Later tonight you will watch, for the first time ever, a joint “Beers with Movie Sauce” show with Brian from Review the World. I can’t tell you how awesome this is for me as a long time fan of his work. So much fun and so great to know awesome people.

And that’s what it’s all about, Charlie Brown!

BUY ALL J.W. OCKER’S books here!!!!

FLTO: McD’s Brought Back Hot Mustard Or Not?

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It’s back! Or maybe it’s left over and on its way out? Maybe I went to asleep and fell into a coma and this is a dream about mustard? Maybe this is an alternative reality and mustard is the currency and dogs are our masters? What ever the situation may be, today we are pointing out that RIGHT NOW you can dip your nuggets in the 1983 original, McDonald’s Hot Mustard. This sauce has a lot of lovers and a few years ago when the corporate restaurant giant announced they were pulling the Hot Mustard from the lineup, people flipped.

In fact, there were hundreds of petitions to bring this sauce back. Maybe it was nostalgia because this was one of the four original sauces when McNuggets were introduced? Perhaps McD’s stepped on the balls of the small percentile of consumers who go ape-shit when debates over which Evil Dead is better and have enough time to get upset over mustard? Regardless, McDonald’s had concluded the numbers were not holding in comparison to the others sauces so, in true Burger College fashion, they opted to pull it. Or did they?

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Today, the mustard is alive and well or at least at this particular NC restaurant. Google searches are loaded with pleas to bring back Hot Mustard as well as warnings of its impending doom ranging from 2012 all the way to February of this year. However, there is very little fanfare for its revival. That leads one to ask, is it really back or are these Hot Mustards the last remnants of the glory years and when they are gone they are gone forever? Or, did McDonald’s decide to let a few states keep their Hot Mustard to appease the many furious fans of condiments? I’m not a betting man (yes I am) but I suspect the latter is the case.

On another note, WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO THE HAPPY MEAL BOX? That looks like the last vision you see in bed before an ax falls between your eyes. What were they thinking? It looks like the Olympic mascot should the Summer Olympics come to Iraq! Those murderous eyes scream something evil in backwards latin. I don’t like it and I would prefer it if they brought back the Fry Guys. No one in their right mind can argue with Fry Guys.

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I did have the great idea to put the box in the guest bathroom toilet. Now we wait.

Sorry this was a shoddy FLTO blog. I felt I needed to share the news that maybe you too can find Hot Mustard. And if you do, ask for 100. You never know when it will be gone for good.

FLTO: Dill Pickle Wheat Thins

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There are two types of people in the world; those who like Neil Diamond and those who don’t. My wife loves him.” -Bob Wiley

I believe that applies to crackers, as well. I, myself, am a Triscuit man. I have stated that since the fledgling days of VeggieMacabre and some two thousand boxes later, I still sing Gordon Lightfoot sad melodies when I reach the bottom of one. But every-so-often I cheat and pick up a box of Nabisco’s retarded sister, Wheat Thins. And that only happens when Wheat Thins come out with a wacky flavor.

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For a limited time only, Wheat Thins now comes in a briny dill pickle flavor that dogs love! And, truth be told, I don’t hate them either. It’s all about the real pickle taste and the Nabisco scientists really got this one nailed.

It’s pretty crazy how absolutely dill picklish these crackers are. I must warn you, however, after fourteen crackers you need to drink seven hundred gallons of water. Really not sure if it’s the brine taste or the massive amount of sodium but holy crap, you ain’t winning a whistling contest after eating these.

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AND WHAT THE HECK IS “NATURAL FLAVOR WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVOR”??? It sounds both redundant and silly. It’s like me saying I’m a man with other man.

No…it’s not like that at all. That sounded completely wrong. Let me try that again. It’s like saying the black car is black with more black. I think we get it if you just state that the car is black. Just like if it has natural flavors, who cares if it has other natural flavors? Maybe I am just being picky.

So, if you are at the store and like pickles AND dig Wheat Thins, you might want to throw these in the basket with your lotion. They are only here for a limited time and that’s why I just spent twenty minutes writing about them.

 

 

Limited Time Only Pop-Tarts and Fiber Fruit Snacks?

Oh heck, why not? Time for another Limited Time Only edition where I tell you to run out and buy something before it becomes product history. Are you ready? If not, I can wait. I’ll be over here watching Maximum Overdrive for the thirtieth time this week. “You got that, Fuck-Face?” I was referring to the movie, not to you.

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Holy Jesus’s ghost, Pop-Tarts turned 50?!?! And they brought back an extinct flavor to boot? Oh it truly is an amazing time we live in. Yes sir, the fine people at Kellogg are celebrating 50 years making these flat, fruit-filled pastries that turn to napalm when toasted. While there are hundreds of flavors, Pop-Tarts do a great job of introducing limited time additions to the collection much like the one above. But “Flavor Flashback” does lead me to believe this was once a constant.

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These….are not good for you. Even as a little kid, I knew Pop-Tarts were less breakfast and more a Friday night kid-coke binge treat.  You still have to love them for what they are and that is America. Where else can you get an anthropomorphic toaster named “Milton” to push unnaturally preserved sugar squares with goo in the middle for breakfast? And was a success?

I got the birthday cake edition and while they are no S’mores Pop-Tarts, they aren’t too bad. I think having a birthday cake flavor Pop-Tart is very appropriate for the milestone of 50 years. Just think, a half century of pumping pure sugar through the veins of kids making life a living hell for thousands of bus drivers, parents and teachers. I also think they went to space and if I am not mistaken, we dropped around a million over Afghanistan in 2001. Take that you goddamn Taliban!

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For good measure, I tried one so you know I come from an honest place. It’s like someone put cake frosting between two, three year old graham crackers. And the graham crackers were stored in a very damp lake cabin. It’s the most accurate way I can describe them.  Now I will take them to my office and feed them to our AP lady’s kid who she has to bring with her to work after 3:00. That kid hasn’t sold me out yet.

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In other news, the people at Fiber One took my long love of Fun Fruits and turned them into something that improves colon health. Jebus Hebus, age happens to us all. But hopefully having to be health conscious that doesn’t mean everything has to taste like dog balls. No, Fiber One does great things in the department of tricking you into eating fiber without crappy mixing powders or Grape Nuts. By the way, what’s up with Grape Nuts? No grapes-no nuts?

Be sure to tip your waitress, ladies and gentlemen.

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It’s kind of funny that they make little fruit shapes to trick us into tasting the intended flavors. Even as a guy in his thirties, I do like eating orange flavored fruit snacks in the shapes of orange slices. It would really mess me up if they were in the shapes of trees. I do, however, really prefer Spooky Fruits.

At three grams of fiber per pack, that is equivalent of a really big piece of broccoli, a small apple or a normal banana. I need an average of around thirty-eight grams to keep me going a day and that means I need to eat 12.666666666666667 packs a day. That means a box is 1.8999999 short of a my daily fiber needs. I think that’s doable.

These kind of taste like they are intended to be good for you so we know what that means. Yup, they are average when it comes to taste and texture. Sure, if I had to pick between these and dried peas, I would definitely choose the poop inducing fruit snack but alone, I am afraid these just don’t make the cut for $3.99.

Thanks friends and I hope you are relaxing tonight.

 

 

 

October For A Sunday

Every so often I get a Sunday like this one and brother, these are so rare I just can’t waste them. It’s dark and rainy out with no sign of it stopping, so in my mind I am creating an “October Sunday”. What is an October Sunday, you ask? Well, it’s a day when you barricade yourself in a safe spot and pretend it’s October just so you can watch spooky flicks, drink cider and act on all the Fall fun, if just for a few hours. But be careful, long time lovers of the macabre season can get burned out if we do this too often so it’s best to take Bastian’s advice from The Never Ending Story when he was conserving his lunch, “No…not too much. We still have a long way to go.”

I think this October Sunday (not a U2 song) I will impart my tricks of the trade with you, incase you find yourself months away from Target selling skeletons and severed hands and want to dip your toe in some creepy activities. I am not saying I am doing everything that you would consider fun but this may be a loose guideline and perhaps an idea or two will help you muster your inner Satan. Or you can read this and say I am crazy. Either way.

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Summer is for grilling and Autumn is for crock potting. If you want to have an early October there is no better way than to slow cook pot roast. It quite honestly is my olfactory link to The Simpson Treehouse of Terror, Season 2. I can’t explain it and don’t even want to dissect why for fear it would somehow change my link of meat to a cartoon but if I really am all in for an October Sunday, there’s got to be a fiddle in the band. And by fiddle I mean pot roast. The band is a crock pot.

I bet there is a vegetarian way to do this too. I love you all and if meat isn’t on the menu, share with us what you would do! I am curious.

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Coffee is my fuel that drives creativity, mental prowess, jitters and my ability to say “Big Bertha bought Bill’s bakery before Bob’s birthday” two hundred times in a minute. Lucky for me on this dark and stormy Sunday, I reserved pumpkin spice from Archer’s Farm to add that need boost to trick my taste buds into believing I will be sipping this while watching AMC’s Fearfest. A little goes a long way and after today, I will not visit anything pumpkin for another three months. I just need a quick fix.

Oh, and if you are going to buy a Keurig coffee maker, don’t buy the VUE. No one sells the damn cups unless you are at Bed Bath and Beyond or ordering online. And if you know me, then you know I often don’t have coffee here. I just happened to be at Bed Bath and Beyond for a table-cloth. That’s my life now, ladies and gentlemen. I shop around for a table-cloth.

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While you wait EIGHT HOURS for the pot roast to cook you need a spooky snack. I decided the good people at Hormel had just the canvass for a little Jack-o-Pepperoni. Behind that is extra sharp cheddar. Anything duller is completely unacceptable unless you can find habanero cheddar. That is very much acceptable.

The vehicle for the meat and cheese can be anything. I recently ripped through a box of Triscuits, grossing out my dog, so I am forced to use pretzels. God, how I wish I had some Triscuits.

Also, you vegetarians, I am sorry there is another meat. Replace pepperoni with apple.

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Alright, so we have the crock pot rocking, sending crazy good smells throughout the house, the pumpkin coffee is brewed and horror snacks are made without severing a finger trying to carve faces in meat. Now we find that little hideaway that is safe from the rest of normal society. For me, it’s my office. The only place where a 36-year-old can safely bask in pictures of Skeletor and Michael Myers. Even though it’s still rainy and windy outside, there is too much light. I don’t have blackout shutters so I have to make do with the guest bed comforter. The October Sunday is much more effective if it’s dark. Very dark.

I recently washed this comforter myself and you can still see areas where the stuffing separated. I swear those are not stains. I swear. Also, if you hang this up using a swivel chair with wheels, godspeed.

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Of course, how can we have a creepy Sunday without a terribly good horror flick? It’s honestly impossible to achieve full spooky without a horror movie. Lucky for me, I have a few of these horror collections, Netfix, Hulu and Vudu. Out of all these, I am sure there is something that will suffice. I am thinking The Unholy. Bare boobs can add a few bonus points, if you are looking for extra credit.

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It’s coming together but we aren’t quite there. As you can see, my little space is ready for a great Sunday of escapism full of blogging, horror movie watching and internet surfing. The aroma candle is lit and my buddy, Cosmo the Great, is sawing logs on the bed behind me. We just have one little detail left to complete.

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Perfection! It’s 2:30 on a Sunday afternoon and I am safely removed from any hint that it is the beginning of June. For all I know, shut in my capsule of delusion, it’s October 17th, 2023. It’s a fine Sunday indeed. I think another “Beers with Movie Sauce” review is on the books for later this afternoon, but for now, I will bask in this great little lie I call October Sunday. Try it! You’ll like it. But remember, not too much. We still have a long way to go.

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Of course I can’t leave out Matt’s Dinosaur Dracula archives. You didn’t think I forgot that, did you? Come on, I’m a pro at this.

 

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