FLTO: Taco Bell Sriracha Taco

My great pal, Brian from Review The World, shot me a message informing me that Taco Bell has a limited item featuring three burritos with varying level of heat. Now I haven’t been to a Taco Bell since I don’t know when but I have heard when it comes to spicy food, they actually keep the heat real. Also, I use the term “food” loosely. It’s probably healthier to eat a handful of Legos.

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Called the Dare Devil, these are chipotle, habanero and the dreaded ghost pepper burritos and I knew I had to follow-up the ghost pepper fries with this. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) these have not made it to North Carolina. So, I had to rely on the lame-o limited time Sriracha taco to review on this rainy Saturday afternoon. I waited almost twenty minutes in the drive thru so I need to get something out of that adventure.

Imagine a regular taco with Sriracha sauce on it. There you go! Good night folks!

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It’s actually a little more interesting than just that. I was on the fence with a taco and an asian spicy sauce because I’ve never gotten why sriracha is such a popular thing. Other than the witty Oatmeal cartoons, it’s always been a ‘meh’ condiment to me. But, surprisingly, it compliments a shitty taco pretty well. Maybe that was the secret to bring Sriracha around for me.

I’ll still keep an eye out for the mysterious ghost pepper Dare Devil Grillers or whatever they are called. They will definitely be reviewed and added to the FLTO section because I need to have gastro-disastro and remember it forever. There are more than a few benefits to having a blog about stupid things.

I need to at least get 300 words and now I almost have. Done!

FLTO: Wendy’s Ghost Pepper Fries

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It’s been a minute since I have added a post to the “For A Limited Time Only” page but when you throw words like “ghost pepper” around, you have my attention. A new addition of pain has been added to the Wendy’s menu and it’s definitely not permanent so I felt it should be immortalized on the site. The Ghost Pepper Fries showed up earlier in the week with much fanfare from those who like to involuntarily burp when saying the word ‘cholesterol’. That’s up my alley.

There have been lots of fast food items of the heat persuasion but few who tout being made from one of the hottest peppers on earth. I know this first hand after I stupidly ate a dried one a few years ago. The only way I can describe the experience would be to imagine a pain so searing, if someone told you that the only way for relief was to eat a urinal cake, you would eat two. So, naturally, when the Ghost Pepper fries came out, I had to try them. Because I am a very sick, sick man.

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Weighing in at 480 calories, 900 milligrams of sodium and 27 grams of fat, it’s safe to say these are not good for you. Made with their cut fries, melted shredded cheddar, a weird ghost pepper neon orange sauce and diced jalapeños complete with seeds, this is a little bowl of indigestion costing you a mere $1.99. They even include a fork just incase you had ghost peppers sauce on your fingers and used the bathroom. The struggle is real when you are a seasoned spicy food consumer.

Immediately when I opened this container up I knew this was not a true ghost pepper product. There is a certain smell that the ghost pepper has and it will choke you hard. You don’t have to eat the ghost pepper to have a bad day with it. These Ghost Pepper fries just didn’t have that punch. I did notice, however, the bright nuclear orange color of the cheese. It’s like drive-in movie theater nacho cheese orange. (Crayola, get on that please) The diced jalapeños seemed to be the only true source of heat. And I was right. Sometimes I hate to be right.

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To be honest, it was not very hot for me. Sure, there were a few bites a jalapeño seed got the better of me but on a scale of one to ten, one being “puree peaches” and ten being “going to the hospital”, I think these fries fall into the three rating. There were a few spicy bites but it’s just not that hot. To me. I need to clarify that because a couple of months ago I damn near killed a coworker when the waiter accidentally switched our Panang Curry order. A five-star spice rating is where I begin so keep that in mind when taking my advice.

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Against my better judgement I finished the whole order for a fair review. Spicy foods can also be rated based on the building level so taking one bite doesn’t give a fair shake to any food with heat. You gotta eat it all. So, for the next couple hours no jumping rope or wresting in a bounce house. Safety first.

To pair with the Ghost Pepper Fries, Wendy’s also has a Jalapeño Chicken Sandwich for a limited time only. I am sorry to report but this old guy can’t do both. I rarely eat fast food and if I was to jump two feet into a full meal at Wendy’s with nacho cheese sauce I think something extreme would happen. And not like a radical extreme. The different extreme.

So, there you are. The fries are not terrible but a little misleading. When you say jalapeño people say “huh? Wha?” but when you say Ghost Pepper… well, you’ll get my attention. This was not ghost pepper. In fact, this was not even close to habanero. But that’s okay because killing an innocent seventy year old lady who wanted cheese fries but was clueless to what a ghost pepper is probably wouldn’t be how Wendy’s wants to go out. I get it. Not everyone has a ruined palate like me.

Try them and let me know how you fare. Feel better about your fries and order a salad too. Wendy’s has their shit straight when it comes to salads. Have a great Sunday night!

Wendy, I’m Home

I have been on a bit of a hiatus thanks to my career. Honestly, if I become anymore boring I would take this day and go antiquing.

Holy shit, that’s exactly what I am doing today.

Anyway, this is the dawn of the new VeggieMacabre. It’s been a long time in the making because I am involving other people. Some you know and others you may not. But you will! We have lots of on-location shows, product reviews, horror fun and many, many chances to see me make a fool of myself.

Next week is Mad Monster Party in Charlotte and “The What The Hell Show” begins. This has been a project of mine since October and I am so excited to share it with you. I can’t explain it, you will just have to see it. Until then I’ll have my pal, Weird Paul play me out.

What’s In The Box?!

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I think we are going on seven months of nostalgia-rich Fun Packs from the amazing site, DinosaurDracula.com. If you are unaware of what Fun Packs are, let me explain. Imagine little trinkets from the obscure depths of the 80’s and 90’s which, if unprepared, can magically transport you back to the sixth grade. But that’s only if your old like me. That’s how math works!

This month we are in for a treat! Every Fun Pack has something special but this month really hit a home run. I’ll tease you with words like, “Turtle Pies” and “Boglins”to intrigue you. Did it work? If so, for only $25 a month you too can be a recipient of these Fun Packs and have smiling memories of your awkward youth.

So, if you have time (which if you’re in North Carolina you do thanks to three inches of ice) check out my nine minute video unboxing the great Dinosaur Dracula Fun Pack for this depressing month of February.

Epic Bars. Epic Failure

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Holy cats, I am back! Can you believe it? I can’t. Anyway, a few months back I had the crew over for a fun weekend full of horror movies, beers and food challenges. It is a rare thing to have a group of people who all nerd-out over the same things. You know Ben, Brian and Dave (DJ D). They have been on here before.

On this episode of “what were we thinking”, Ben introduced us to Epic Bars; the bars made of grass-fed, organic, paleo friendly, gluten-free beef and turkey. Let’s just say we had a time trying these bars. A trying time.

The beef Epic bar was the first taste test and wait until you hear our opinions. Watch and learn!

Next we try the Turkey Epic bar. While not quite as offensive as the beef, it still brought fear and panic. It’s a wonder how as you chew these bars, they become dryer leading to a dissolving dust. This one also led to the hashtag, “Gone Full Franklin”.

Watch and be entertained by our contorted faces and repeated thoughts of poop.

So there you have it. If you want to be paleo/gluten-free/organic/grass-fed/low glycemic/humane then prepare to eat bars that have already been digested. But take my advice, just eat a steak.

RtW, Ben and Two Pickled Eggs

I am finally posting videos of the most excellent visit from Ben (Juggernaut Cave), Brian (Review the World) and Dave DJ D (Retro Ghouls and Shocks). We had an awesome weekend full of beer, movies and outings which led to a life full of fantastic memories. A man is only rich through the people he shares company with. I am very wealthy.

In the first episode, Ben and Brian just came in and I take no time in trying to kill them with pickled eggs. Have you ever had pickled eggs? Since moving to NC, I see them in every convenient store, bar and grocery store and I finally tried one a few years ago. Since that day, I kept my opinions to myself in hope that I can trick people into eating them on video. This visit, my hopes came to fruition.

Watch and laugh. Oh yeah, the squealing girl has a story too. TOAD!

Do Not Eat This Chocolate! Because I Did.

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A new addition to the YouTube channel brings you a chocolate bar that will destroy your mouth. Actually, it is not too bad. The good people at Lillie Belle Farms in Oregon have constructed an award winning chocolate bar which is infused with Chili Arbol, Amarillo Chilies and the heaps of the infamous Ghost Pepper Chili. I don’t want to spoil the video but I took a huge bite and didn’t even care that I had a glob of chocolate on my mouth for the duration of the video.

You can see I am shooting in front of a haunted location because, well, it is kinda the theme of this site and a loose attempt to connect the “ghost” in ghost pepper. Give me a break, I am just now discovering the green screen. Next time I might be coming to you live from a shark cage. Who knows?

So go try one of these! Trust me when I say, they are not too bad. A full metal death chile and chocolate bitch slap. You have been warned!

Big thanks to my buddy Ben from Juggernaut Cave for providing me this chocolaty death bar for all of us to enjoy. He’s a fantastic dude.

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