What’s In The Box?!

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I think we are going on seven months of nostalgia-rich Fun Packs from the amazing site, DinosaurDracula.com. If you are unaware of what Fun Packs are, let me explain. Imagine little trinkets from the obscure depths of the 80’s and 90’s which, if unprepared, can magically transport you back to the sixth grade. But that’s only if your old like me. That’s how math works!

This month we are in for a treat! Every Fun Pack has something special but this month really hit a home run. I’ll tease you with words like, “Turtle Pies” and “Boglins”to intrigue you. Did it work? If so, for only $25 a month you too can be a recipient of these Fun Packs and have smiling memories of your awkward youth.

So, if you have time (which if you’re in North Carolina you do thanks to three inches of ice) check out my nine minute video unboxing the great Dinosaur Dracula Fun Pack for this depressing month of February.

Epic Bars. Epic Failure

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Holy cats, I am back! Can you believe it? I can’t. Anyway, a few months back I had the crew over for a fun weekend full of horror movies, beers and food challenges. It is a rare thing to have a group of people who all nerd-out over the same things. You know Ben, Brian and Dave (DJ D). They have been on here before.

On this episode of “what were we thinking”, Ben introduced us to Epic Bars; the bars made of grass-fed, organic, paleo friendly, gluten-free beef and turkey. Let’s just say we had a time trying these bars. A trying time.

The beef Epic bar was the first taste test and wait until you hear our opinions. Watch and learn!

Next we try the Turkey Epic bar. While not quite as offensive as the beef, it still brought fear and panic. It’s a wonder how as you chew these bars, they become dryer leading to a dissolving dust. This one also led to the hashtag, “Gone Full Franklin”.

Watch and be entertained by our contorted faces and repeated thoughts of poop.

So there you have it. If you want to be paleo/gluten-free/organic/grass-fed/low glycemic/humane then prepare to eat bars that have already been digested. But take my advice, just eat a steak.

RtW, Ben and Two Pickled Eggs

I am finally posting videos of the most excellent visit from Ben (Juggernaut Cave), Brian (Review the World) and Dave DJ D (Retro Ghouls and Shocks). We had an awesome weekend full of beer, movies and outings which led to a life full of fantastic memories. A man is only rich through the people he shares company with. I am very wealthy.

In the first episode, Ben and Brian just came in and I take no time in trying to kill them with pickled eggs. Have you ever had pickled eggs? Since moving to NC, I see them in every convenient store, bar and grocery store and I finally tried one a few years ago. Since that day, I kept my opinions to myself in hope that I can trick people into eating them on video. This visit, my hopes came to fruition.

Watch and laugh. Oh yeah, the squealing girl has a story too. TOAD!

Do Not Eat This Chocolate! Because I Did.

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A new addition to the YouTube channel brings you a chocolate bar that will destroy your mouth. Actually, it is not too bad. The good people at Lillie Belle Farms in Oregon have constructed an award winning chocolate bar which is infused with Chili Arbol, Amarillo Chilies and the heaps of the infamous Ghost Pepper Chili. I don’t want to spoil the video but I took a huge bite and didn’t even care that I had a glob of chocolate on my mouth for the duration of the video.

You can see I am shooting in front of a haunted location because, well, it is kinda the theme of this site and a loose attempt to connect the “ghost” in ghost pepper. Give me a break, I am just now discovering the green screen. Next time I might be coming to you live from a shark cage. Who knows?

So go try one of these! Trust me when I say, they are not too bad. A full metal death chile and chocolate bitch slap. You have been warned!

Big thanks to my buddy Ben from Juggernaut Cave for providing me this chocolaty death bar for all of us to enjoy. He’s a fantastic dude.

New Year And The New Channel!

Howdy! It’s 2015 and by Universal Studios predictions we should be flying in cars and look like total assholes with mechanical bio-lifts in their boots. That’s too bad. But still, I am glad to be around for another year and this is the time when I announce another ambitious new thing. (Don’t make fun)

I am starting a new channel on YouTube to cover all the ridiculous items, movies, foods, travel, other bloggers, mistakes on eBay, spooky stuff and anything this weirdo wants to cover. Yes, that weirdo is me. This will be a fun. THIS WILL BE FUN!

Holiday Dinosaur Dracula Fun Pack!

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Hoooowdy Hooo! Welcome back to the Holiday Hell Show and today I am unboxing Dinosaur Dracula’s Holiday Fun Pack. What is a Dinosaur Dracula Fun Pack, you ask? Well I will ask, where the hell have you been?

I kid because I love.

The Fun Packs are amazing boxes full of nostalgic delight that Matt puts together and mails to you every month. Lately they have had certain holiday themes because we are in the twilight of the four months which shines over at Dino Drac but it is an ongoing subscription for only $25 a month. Very impressive stuff, too. I don’t know how he does it but as I speak I am looking at an Alien Xenomorph watch and Gremlin flip books from the eighties and lord knows how he found these gems.

Each box also comes from a personalized note from Matt with detailed instructions on how to maximize the box to its fullest potential of the goodies. This was something I had to video. I know there have been much better ones made but for the Hell Show, it had to be included. Watch the madness and if you want to (which you should) pop over to his site and subscribe to get one of your very own!

Christmas Rewound

It is Sunday Funday here over at VeggieMacabre HQ and we are smack in the middle of the Holiday Hell Show. Today, I am dipping into the realm that Dinosaur Dracula does so well. I have been on the couch with Christmas movies on the TV, homemade chicken soup cooking in the crockpot, a glass of merlot by my side and the YouTube Time Machine whisking me away to the commercials that filled the time between Merry Christmas Charlie Brown. It is magical. Let’s take a look and dissect these toy ads we grew up with and rip on the kids who were in these.

I was only marginally into He-Man growing up. I loved the idea and Castle Grey Skull was cool but at the end of the day, I just couldn’t get down with characters that look like a well fibrous poop. The accessories, however, were pretty damn amazing. Take Skeletor’s Dragon Water Blaster pack, for an example. You had the ability to soak your friends’ toys and be the little dick of the neighborhood.

HeMan Dork

Let us look at this advertisement. It is hilarious to look back and see these kids imitate their He-Man characters in the gruffest voice a nine-year old could make. I think it was just in the 1980’s that toy advertisers propped up kids to overact their group playtime. I never remember doing any of this! And look at the little fool who takes it to a new level and freezes himself for the duration of the commercial. He is only over to play because either these are all his toys or his mom is friend’s with one of their mothers. No one likes him.

Crappy kid

But the one that stood out the most was the little nut-weed who had the Dragon Blaster Skeletor. Just look at him cackle with delight forcing his playmates to freeze. I know this kid. He’s the neighborhood dick who bullied you into throwing oranges at cars or rings door bells and running. He had an older brother who would beat the hell out of him so shit would roll downhill if you ever came over to his house. He is Reed and he was the one who threw the Cadberry Cream Egg through the kitchen window, not me Dad. “I SAID FREEZE!..OR I’M NOT PLAYING!”

The Sly Snootles and the Max Rebo play set was such a weird toy to get. I guess if you had the entire Jabba Palace play set it wouldn’t be complete without musical entertainment but to just have this set, I don’t know. I guess you could pretend they are a Nirvana galactic cover band touring for your other toys. It’s a stretch but I guess it works.

At least these kids got to kill Sly Snootles.

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Is it just me or is Droopy McCool the shittiest of all Star Wars characters? He looks like a waterlogged pig who was put in jorts and pushed down a well.

I’ve covered this one before and every Christmas I tend to bring it up again. It’s getting to be a tradition. I never got the USS FLAGG and I’m still bitter about it. Looking back I understand because it was hard to sell the folks why I needed a toy bigger than the dinning room table. But I didn’t care and I blame this commercial.

GI Joes commercials always superimposed kids into the battle to ride in the vehicles and immerse themselves into the world and fight against COBRA. It worked and watching three kids run up and down the flight deck of the USS FLAGG made me want it worse than my dog wanting his hump blanket.

I have faith the new line of GI Joe will release the FLAGG and this time, it will be mine. I want to eat sushi off the deck of it in my living room and watch Nightmare On Elm Street 3. You have to have goals in life otherwise you’ll never have anything!

Oh hell, I had a lot of these. I don’t know if it was all at once or over the course of many Christmases but even today, if you go down in the parent’s basement, I bet in under ten minutes you will find a ROTJ Speeder Bike part. They blew apart with a little button in the back and in my house, that means they never stayed assembled.

While researching for this nonsensical post, I learned the Kenner Star Wars theme song never changed for any toy over the course of the trilogy. It wasn’t anything Lucas but it was something that has been in my head since three this afternoon. And will probably be there until three o’clock in the afternoon of December 14th 2027.

I love watching these kids race their speeders around the yard showing off the speed breaks and blow-apart action of the Speeder Bikes. This was a little before my time judging by their hairstyles. They seemed to have the Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed cuts.

Alright, for a guy who remembers not being the biggest He-Man fan, I have to add another vintage commercial. Boy did I like this and it solidifies why I am such a big fan of monster movies and the dark side. The He-Man Snake Mountain play set looked evil it completely lived up to expectation. Even including a Hensen inspired bird face that would move its beak as you spoke through the echoing (reverb) microphone. Pure gold.

Snake Mountain

Today, the true prize is watching these kids play with it and imitate Skeleton in a voice that makes you question if they even watched the cartoon. And the ginger kid rocking the mic made my millennium. Look at his contorted face! I hope he grew up to be the scary warning voice for animatronics horror rides on the boardwalk.

Well, that concludes my little skip through time to revisit some of the great toys we grew up. It’s nice to relive some of the best times of our childhood while watching the advertisements and the silly kids who played with their toys all wrong.

Goodnight! I SAID FREEEEEEEZE!

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