Me And Murf


 

My whole life I have tried to make the right decisions only to find that there was a much better decision I could have made staring me right in the face the whole time. I’m not saying that every one I made was the wrong one but usually there was an easier way if only I took the time to think and not shoot from the hip. There are certain people in life that can take a 50/50 chance and almost every time get it wrong. I am one of those people and I have come to accept that. When there is a fork in the road, gut feelings are not to be trusted because Murphy and I are so close he allows me to call him Murf. Let me give you an example.

This afternoon I went to the basement to hunt down the elusive Christmas tree ornament box that weighs between 45 and 500 lbs  based on how high on the shelf it is. This year it was located on the tip top of the back self in the darkest corner of the basement. My mission was to retrieve it, lug it upstairs with minimal damage to the eggshell white walls and Ethan Allen furniture obstacle course between the basement and living room tree. Assessing the height, weight and angle the Rubbermade box I needed a stable platform to reach it. Looking directly at a step ladder I immediately decided that was no good and the half crushed cardboard box was just perfect to stand on because it was closer to the Christmas box.

I crawled up on the box and dispersed my weight evenly on both sides. Laughing to myself for being so clever Murphy heard me and came calling. Just as I pulled the tonnage of ornaments to the point of no return the box below gave way and we all came crashing to the cement floor. And then I woke up after dreaming about jell-o salad and a backyard Luau. No shit, I knocked myself out cold! I have only involuntarily fallen asleep a few times and that involved a needle, the smell of rubbing alcohol and blood. So now I don’t want to fall asleep because I may slip into a comma. Is that right? Concussions lead to comas? I think that’s right so it looks like a long night of VH1 Classic Rockfest.

I need to find comfort in my dilemma so I turn to the Wold Wide Web. I know my blog mates are smarter than I am so I can’t turn to them. Thanks YouTube. Again.

Did you see the ceramic Elvis at the end?

9 Comments

  1. wow, dood.
    That sux.
    Did you break any ornaments?
    hopes not.

  2. Nope, just tinsle in the teeth. I also had a weird itch in my sock all day and found an ornament hook in it.

  3. I knocked my self out once while unloading a trailer on tour once; I stood up to fast when I thought I was clear of the low trailer door. All I remember was waking up and everyone laughing. And feeling like it was definitely NOT funny….

  4. Tough break Billy. I guess I mean that literally 🙂 I do stuff like that all the time too.

    I have a quick question. Did any of your head up the ass syndrome deal with anything between you and I? I have been wondering about some things you have said, random compliments and such, I worry a lot about everything in general, do I have any concerns about this?

  5. You can find the answer to most of lifes problems via internet videos. Although I am still trying to figure out the deep meaning behind the trumpet/Star Wars thing.

  6. Uh, wow. Never knocked myself out before…sounds like an adventure. Did you say jello salad and backyard luaus were involved?! Someone get me a step ladder and a hula skirt! Aloha and mahalo!

    BTW…next year, I’m soooo going as that Christmas Tree for Halloween! And then when I have kids, I’m dressing them up in halloween costumes to get their pictures taken with Santa. Can’t wait to see the looks from the other parents in line…my mother will be mortified.

  7. Glad to have you back, Billy!

    And to think, kids all over are intentionally passing out (can’t remember what they call that game). If they only knew that decorating for Christmas could produce the same thrill…

    Hope you’re ok!

  8. I’m glad to hear your back blogging, Billy. I love alliteration.

    Even when post comatose, you’re still brilliant.

    I loved the video. That NEEDED to happen to that little spindly fuck. The suit he was wearing was reason for a little Giant Ladder System retaliatory pain.

    Did you get my E-mail? I’m recovering form severe bronchitis. My voice is slowly re-emerging to feminine status.

    Let me hear from you.

    LK

  9. Ooh- concussion stories?

    I once got a concussion in my first varsity game in Soccer. Some girl hit me so hard I flipped over and landed on my head. They say I was down about 30 seconds, but I saw black and white for a good 15 minutes.


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