Mele Kalikimaka-kaka


 

  Well,  another Christmas has come and gone and I have never been happier to see it go. I hated everything about it this year. And much like people who are allergic to cats, if you don’t want to be around it, it wants to be around you. I have never had so many joyful people sharing their spirit and festiveness than I have had this December. Every turn was a question about presents I am giving or plans I have on the eve of Christmas. I tried not to be a Scrooge and spoil other peoples holiday spirit so I kept my disdain to myself but now that it is the 27th I can officially say, stick your tree up your ass and cough up the star because this month was painful.

  Now don’t get me wrong. My woes are my own doing and I own up to the fact that a change in course of life this close to Christmas generally leads to a bah humbug here or there but this month was just ridicules. I will sum it up like this. Imagine your dog eating all the silver tinsel strips off the tree and leaving a platinum shit in your slipper. That’s the Christmas season of 2007. A platinum shit in my slipper.

   Whew! Glad to get that off the chest and now I can post more. I just couldn’t do it this month. Ever time I tried, the heart wasn’t in it. So now I am in Philadelphia at the Grandparents house so I have to share this. If you remember my Uncle Mark story this one will top it. God I love that guy. Well, time to start snapping pictures and writing. This one will breach the 3000 word mark. I have a lot to share.

(Lacey, this isn’t directed at you.)

7 Comments

  1. 2008 is going to be amazing Billy, I can feel it!

  2. That’s cool Billy I think everyone deserves a Grinch type of Christmas every few years and get a “I’ll respect you not wanting to have anything to do with Christmas” card to go along with it. I wasn’t in the mood at all last year I think it was blamed on not having the internet and tv lol but I tried so hard and I didn’t get into it. It was like yeah I am eating this sugar cookie shaped as a snowman w/ frosting and sprinkles on it, it tastes good, but I am just not feeling tingly and giddy when I eat it. So I feel ya. Take care guy.

  3. I’m with Jodi about last year…that was my year for the whole ‘dog-shit tinsel’ thing. I just hated the whole idea of it. SO this year could not have been anything but better.

    Go buy yourself a toy. It helps. No one needs an adult Christmas until they….you know what, never. Christmas should be about being a kid again.

    I’ll send you my Kuse and Knacks if it helps…..

  4. That explains a lot Bill, I thought you had just dropped off the planet.
    Glad to see you are alive and well, and take care of yourself.
    Can’t wait to read the Novella.

  5. Man, you had me at “kaka”! Still hilarious, despite the Scrooge in you. I’ve had my share of “Bah Humbug!” Christmases in the past, so I say GO AHEAD AND WALLOW, BILL!!! Moon Santa and say “Poo Poo” to all those happy revelers…they don’t realize they’re secretly miserable anyway.
    Oh, and had I known your Christmas mood was in the shitter, I would have sent you a case of Red Hook and one of those giant foam middle fingers to wear…
    And I agree with Kristiane…2008 is gonna kick ass! And we all better get a play-by-play!

  6. OK…bad year….bad time of the month. For nubile women, that’s a constant. For virile handsome, hunk o’ man such as yourself, a mere stumbling block.

    You are funny and wildly talented William. You are like a cat, too. Life can throw you ten feet up in the air, flip a few times and you always land on your feet.

    Please don’t be a stranger. I come here for therapy. Writing is good therapy for you, too.

    Therapy.

    Therapist.

    Hhh’mmm….if you dissect that word at mid-point , it becomes “the rapist”.

    And really, isn’t that true????

    I miss you like I miss my virginity.

    Happy New Year..and it will be.

    Respect Baby….respect,
    LK
    .

  7. Shove the tree up your ass and cough up the star. Holy shit that is funny.


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