You Staring At My Scooter?


When you say the word “scooter” I twitch. I can’t explain why but I do. It’s not that I look down on those who ride them, in fact I commend there little effort to limit emissions and our dependency on oil. I even admire the way they completely sacrifice the dignity as a fellow motorist. I have driven one but it was in another country, far from any friends who could ridicule me for driving above 35 mph with a horn that sounds like Fran Drescher climaxing. What I am really saying is that it is hard to take a vehicle seriously that can be chained to a tree when parked.

So I was in traffic this morning and to my right was a Hell’s Angle on a scooter, patiently waiting for the light to change. I sat there staring at him, a little impressed by his bravado to not only battle traffic on what really is just a heavy bicycle, but to expose himself to the frigid climate as well. What drives a guy to strap on a helmet, gloves and parka, mount a Yamaha with a guvnor and take off to work? He must feel like a guppy in a stream of migrating salmon.

(sorry for the picture quality) But upon closer inspection of this cyclist, I noticed something that led me to a summary of what drives this dude. He thinks he is the shit on his thunder bike. He looks in the mirror no less than 20 times, trying to decide what looks better; visor up or visor down. Every place he goes he carries his helmet wishing it was socially acceptable to just wear it all the time. And after a tough day at the office he cruises to the local bar, puts his “skid lid” on the bar, orders an O’Doul near-beer and scans the bar for chicks that may want a ride on his steel gelding. You know how I know this?

Because he is rocking Harley Davidson boots! That’s a enough for me to summarize this guy. You can tell a lot from a man’s shoes.

(I don’t have anything against scooter riders. I was stretching for material today)

14 Comments

  1. Did he notice you taking pictures of him, and if so, did he give you some kind of thumbs-up signal or a wink? He sounds like a winker.

    Love the muppet pic.

  2. I was pretty sneaky with it. But I think you are right. He would probably wink and do the pistol shot with his index and thumb.

  3. haha. Nice Billy. I would have never noticed the man’s boots.

  4. Oh GOD.
    You nailed it on the head, mang.
    The only time I can see someone on a scooter and not want to laugh out loud- it better be a Vespa and you better look VERY EUROPEAN, cause that shit don’t fly around here.

  5. I want to know if he gives “the wave” to oncoming motorcyclists…?

  6. MJ, hahahaha! I imagine so. Nod of the head and a Captin America, double finger salute to a tough guy on a low riding Harley.

  7. Hey! I have toyed with the idea of getting a scooter now and again. Especially one of those mopeds that you don’t need a driver’s license to drive.

    I know someone that just got a pria hybrid car and those cars are in the same catergory IMO as those scooters. Your like look at me I’m a little more moral and cooler then you are.

    Even though I gotta admit how people have to sit with their legs pointing in the front like they are sitting on a chair but with their legs tightly shut looks a bit ghey. See you later Billy.

  8. Jodie! I have gotten the “high and mighty’ look from many a Prius owner.

  9. Mah name is Jodi not Jodie.

    I just watched a video blog about how stuck up people act at starbucks. I have never been in a starbucks but I can imagine. Imagine someone driving through the Starbucks drive thru in a Prius. Wow.

  10. Hear hear, Kittymao!! How is it that one can look “sooo” sophisticated and Euro and, dare I say, COOL, on a Vespa. But hop on any other scooter/moped, and you’re a complete douche? IMO, the only thing “lamer” than riding around town on a scooter is buzzing around on a Segway…unless you are Gob Bluth. Then it’s just effing awesome, no matter what way you look at it.

  11. Oh, and Jodi…I think, from experience, the reason Starbucks patrons are so stuck up is because they know they’re paying a hefty price for their latte, and they’re a little bitter about it. There have been several times when I’ve asked the Barista to re-make my drink because it wasn’t correct. And I must say, I don’t feel bad about it: if I’m going to pay close to $4 for a grande 1% vanilla extra hot latte, I had better get the best damn grande 1% vanilla extra hot latte that tatooed college student can make! On the flip side, when they get it right, boy do they get it RIGHT!

  12. The reason why it stuck out in my mind is because of this video I just watched

    There are a few things worse then a yuppie that is full of themselves.

  13. man billy, these liberal cocksuckers are ruining the country. the only ticket this year seems to be mccain/thompson. i really wish president bush could’ve ran again, he has kept me AND my money safe! i am so sick of thse libs whining about healthcare. you want better fucking insurance get a better fucking job. it’d be nice if society could weed a few of these leeches from the governenments teat anyway.

    well take care billy and i’ll talk at you later

    don

  14. it’s cool Don. I give up on politics really. I have friends on both sides of the fence and there is one thing about both; they both know they are right. i just pay my taxes and support my troops.


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