The Nothing


I think I am going to post some really random shit today. Maybe a little top 5 action like Allison rocked out on her recent blog. Or perhaps just some streaming thoughts about life. You guys know me. I’m a thinker and some days I just get carried away. It still blows my mind people read this. I can tell you for sure that no one listens to it. Many of my friends tell me that I ramble but lucky for me, they just let me go on. If I was stifled I am sure my head would explode straight off my shoulders from the amount of b.s. that had to get out. So here I go.

I hate coconut with a passion because in 1986 I ate an entire box of Girl Scout Samoa cookies. I was so sick the thought of coconut, cookies with a hole and the color purple from the box, makes me want to yarf on my lap.

If I accidentally bump my ankles together my knees give out. It happened in the mall may years ago. To this day I am aware of my stride in a public place.

When I was in Budapest, I won 100 Deutschmarks for eating a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of tequila. The 100 Deutschmarks lasted one week. The nausea from that challenge is still with me, 7 years later.

Sharks have 8 times the memory of a cat. I find that surprising because I had a cat, and it only took one time for him to develop a fear of empty beer boxes.

I played little league for a few years. It was sad because I had a fear of baseballs.

I can’t eat alone at a restaurant. I get the over whelming feeling people feel sorry for me. I hate that.

Chewing gum makes my stomach growl. Still don’t know what is up with that.

The fattest dog in the world lives in my neighborhood. I thought the lady was walking a potbellied pig, but it turned out to be a short haired black dog. Here’s a picture. Sorry about the quality but it was hard to take and drive.

I have never watched a Word war II documentary without shedding a tear. Not one.

When I die, I hope Heaven is like this.

I was in a game of “punch bug” in the 8th grade. You know, you punch someone when you see a Volkswagon Beetle? I still punch myself in the arm every time I see one.

Speaking of random shit. While I was writing this, some dude’s car caught on fire in the parking lot!

Thanks for the entertainment, Mang!

14 Comments

  1. Your random thoughts are so much fun. I affirm my coconut pledge to never harrass you again. I had a similar situation with gingerbread men many years ago (they were so freakin’ cute, I just had to eat the whole batch) and cringe when I see those candied men (or women) today. Incidentally, I have had a box of Caramel DeLites (same thing as Samoas) hidden in my work desk for over a year now. I have issues with hoarding chocolate.

    That dog is hysterical, and that’s not a very flattering shot of the owner either (mental note: never bend over like that in public, including my yard).

    I am exactly the same way about WWII documentaries…Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers really got me. I listened to The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw on a trip back from Hilton Head last year, and got pretty weepy too.

  2. Mmm, kay. I feel compelled to comment on many of these, and then perhaps steal your idea that was Allison’s.
    First, I once ate shredded coconut out of the bag for a great while, and I have the same feelings for the stuff now. Proving again that you and I are the same person.
    I like eating alone in restaurants, but I get that feeling too. I just bring along my laptop to feel occupied.
    That is a great picture of a dog.
    I don’t know if heaven is like that, but Washington is.
    We always called it “slug bug.”
    Happy Weekend Billy!

  3. Kristiane said: “I don’t know if heaven is like that, but Washington is.”

    AMEN SISTER!!!!

  4. I must admit, I was a tad disappointed after reading this when I realized that it had absolutely nothing to do with The Nothing in The Neverending Story. But, you made up for it by giving us a picture of a car on fire.

    Your thing with coconut reminds me of a similar thing I have with Pizza Hut. When I was a little kid I got either some kind of stomach virus or food poisoning when eating there one time. I don’t know which, but it was pretty nasty. I spent the whole time there running back and forth from the table to the bathroom puking my guts out and leaving a trail of it everywhere–then proceeded to puke into a plastic bag in the car all the way home. To this day I won’t go near Pizza Hut.

    I did a couple of years of little league too, until I gave it up cause I just wasn’t that good at it. A couple of years afterwards I realized that it was mostly due to the fact that my eyesight’s pretty bad and ended up getting my first pair of glasses. Luckily, my stepmother at the time was an optomotrist, and I totally lucked out, cause to this day, I’ve never had to pay for contacts or glasses. I’ve totally got the hook-up that way. I like to think that my lack of athletic prowess can be blamed on the fact that at that time we just didn’t know that my eyesight was terrible, which explained why I couldn’t see the ball that was being thrown/hit at me till it was a foot in front of my face. I’m sure that was the total reason, and had nothing to do with the fact that I was the smallest guy on the team and couldn’t throw a ball to save my life. Yeah, I’m going with the eyesight thing.

  5. How dare you. I could eat an entire box of Samoas RIGHT NOW.

    I played baseball for two years myself, and after all that my entire contribution consisted of exactly one RBI. I believe I got walked to first, if I recall correctly. This was before I got my first pair of glasses as well, so I’m stealing D’s excuse.

  6. Ok, another note: When I first read the title of this post, I thought we were going to have a “Never Ending Story” retrospective. If that had been the case, I would have confessed that, even though he kinda looked like a girl, Atreyu was my first childhood crush. That, and because of that movie, I will probably name my first son Bastian.

  7. Back in 1986 when you had an overdose of coconut, those cookies in particular were called ‘Caramel Delights’ as opposed to the now completely un-PC version of ‘Samoas’. Which, by the way, I know LOTS of Samoans and they don’t like those cookies.

    When I was in pre-school, we at PB&J every day, on cheap bread, wrapped in wax paper. I just wanted tuna or even deviled ham but no, PB&J. On a Saturday, my mother made me a PB&J for lunch and I informed her that if I were to eat it, I’d throw up. She commanded me to eat the sandwich and I proceeded to yak it up. I haven’t eaten a PB&J since and that was in 1977.

  8. Wow, I didn’t know they were called Caramel Delights! I called them ‘Barfs’. Way to bring up some history!

    Sorry everyone for the “Never Ending Story” tease. Didn’t mean to disappoint.

    DJ D, you crack me up man.

  9. essaytch, I have a friend that actually named her son Atreyu after The NeverEnding Story. How she managed to get that past her husband, I will never know, but she gets mad stars from me for it.

  10. I’m with you on the coconut bit. Hate it, hate it, hate it. When I was young my Grandma made me a birthday cake. Apparently, she had no idea that I hated coconut. The entire cake was COVERED with it. Barf. I cried about that cake for years.

    Love the pic of the fat dog…and your neighbor’s ass. Nice.

    Thanks for blogrollin’ me.

  11. Actually they’re still called both Caramel deLites and Samoas, depending on which bakeries they’re made at. I ended up with a box of each last year but I didn’t even notice the differences Wikipedia claims are there, but apparently the ones in the picture up there are Caramel deLites because they’re hexagonal.

  12. The gum is no mystery. You’re chewing on something forever and the rest of your body is thinking, “what gives?” As for coconut, I could never stand it. It makes my teeth feel squeeky when I eat it and why is there a cookie out there that looks a caterpillar with its head up its ass to begin with?

  13. Doho, hahahahahahaha! It totally does! You are a creative dude, my friend. That is too funny for words.

  14. Yo Man. I too am hoarding abox of Caramel DeLites in my work desk!
    And… uhm, some thin mints.
    I love the randomness, Bill.
    I forget when I used to write randomly,
    I should do that again sometime.


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