Just Not The Same


Is it just me or does getting older really ruin all the little things in life. For example, a good friend corrected me when I used the term “conniption fit.” For the longest time I thought it was “connip-shit” and I have been using that for as long as I remember. It’s embarrassing to admit but that’s the truth. So it prompted a hard look at somethings that just aren’t the same anymore.

Ewoks suck. For the longest time I regarded Return Of The Jedi as the greatest Star Wars movie of them all. Now that I look back i just see it as one giant toy revenue stream, which was fine when I was 7 but now I feel a little bored with it. Much like finding out your are really a conservative when you give into corporate America, I require more in a movie than “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and latex muppets. I consider myself an Empire Strikes Back fan now. Plus, thanks to a picture at Social Pariah, it just dawned on me that Wicket was really the downs syndrome Ewok that tends to wander through Endor. I imagine he lives in the lowest hut at the Ewok Village. He also looks like a smelly. “Yub-Yub”.

Hotels suck. The thrill is gone when it comes to travel. I think I realized this on a trip a few months ago when I was spoiled by a five star room and the next week I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express. That drastic change turned me into a snob. Everything about the room annoyed me from the TV only having 20 channels to the air conditioning being too loud. I remember a time when I would drink at the lounge, meet new people, order room service, even go to the pool. Now, I work in bed, read a book and complain in the morning that my back is stiff. I even bring my own pillow case for fear of getting some face disease. What a shit I am.

I will never ride on this. When I was growing up we used to South Jersey for the summer and the days were all the same. During the day we would be at the shore and at night we would ride the rides. It must have been a thrill for my poor folks but I lived for it. Today when I see a fair, all I can think about is the amount of insurance that goes into portable roller coasters. Beside the fact that just looking at them makes my equilibrium off balance I am absolutely positive that I will not be killed on the “Scrambler”. I can see the local news story now. “Local man flung off the Scrambler in a bucket seat. Witnesses said he was making squealing sounds before he landed in the donkey ride. He did not survive.”

Buffets are ruined. I have a hard time eating at Chinese or even American buffets and I think it is because I just think about it too hard. My imagination takes the best of me and all I imagine is sneezey people, grubby kid fingers and flies. I am the jerk that orders off the menu when everyone one else is elbow deep in Lo Mein. However, I do miss eating Kung Pao chicken and corn dogs at the same time.

The excitement of the theater. I actually do miss going to the movies but I just cant find the time to spend two hours anywhere for recreation. The last film I saw was Cloverfield and it was reminiscent of the old movie experience but lately I don’t have the desire. I blame friends that i used to hang out with for that. They were the couple that dressed like the characters of the film. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why people dress up for the opening of a film. As you could imagine I was pretty embarrassed when the last Star Wars movie opened up.

I am sure there plenty of other items in life that I have grown to see differently. It’s hard to think of them right off the top of my head but be sure, I’ll let you know. That reminds me, up until today I have used the term “to no extent”. It is “to some extent” and “to no end”. It’s good that I figured that out at 30.

24 Comments

  1. Hi! I found you from http://2lazydogs.wordpress.com/ and thought I’d check out your blog. It’s great! I’m officially hooked!

  2. Wow, thanks for coming by! I love new friends!

  3. Will Will Will, I can really relate to this post. There are a lot of things that have been ruined for me from my childhood.

    Example: Dirty Dancing. I was ADDICTED to the movie when I was growing up and would squeal like, well, a little girl every time it came on. Now I realize how unrealistic and sexist it is. I sit and analyze the characters and their actions. Plus, it has a really crappy story line when you think about it. It really breaks my heart.

    Also, home in and of itself is ruined for me. Growing up we lived in this little farm house in South Point Ohio and I remember it being large and grand and beautiful. A few years ago I went and drove by the house. It had only been a few years since we had moved out and it was nothing like I had remembered it to be. It completely ruined a memory for me.

    The only thing worse then growing up is remembering what it was like to be a kid.

  4. Oh I know it. I hate going back to see the old neighborhood. I wrote about it and you’re right. You can never go home.

  5. Oh man! “For fear of getting a face disease” “he was making squealing sounds before he landed in the donkey ride.” So very funny!!

  6. Ok first of all that SW pic is the creepiest thing I’ve seen this month, I never knew Wicket was a registered sex offender but there’s the proof.
    And the carnival thing just made me laugh, I can totally see the Scrambler car flying thru the air filled with squealing passengers right before it hits that poor, poor donkey.
    Oh and I will officially never eat at a buffet again, I guess I never really thought about it that way before and now I can’t get it out of my head.
    I miss theaters too but unless it’s a movie I’m dying to see, it takes a lot to get me to go. Overpriced tickets,outrageous concession prices and people on their cell phones….no thanks. At least I still have a drive in, cheap double features and you can bring your own snacks.

  7. Dan, that Wicket gif was creepy to me too. I don’t even want to know what is going on with his left arm.

  8. I too know what it’s like to become a hotel snob. My work started sending me to 5-diamond resort hotels… the ones where someone has to give you a tour of your room so you can find the toilet. The hotel staff would send up wine, fruit, and cheese baskets and offered turn down service. Of course when I went on vacation and had to pay for my own hotel rooms, it was like spending the night in a 3rd world country (flat pillows, sticky carpet, bed spreads that looked like my grandma’s luggage from the 70s). If you can’t sleep at home, I want to sleep in a palace… not a dive. But I can’t afford it unless someone else is paying.

    P.S. Maybe you liked Jedi due to the gold bikini scene. I was always a fan of Empire because the Ewoks were just creepy and yes, Wicket was the special ed fur ball.

  9. Ok, you got me. The golden bikini was a bright spot in ROTJ but still, I can’t look at Wicket without thinking how bad Ewoks smell after a rain storm. A whole village of wet dog stink. I need a hobby, huh?

  10. Well shit. You just ruined the Ewok Movie forever, but in a good way. I’ll never watch Jedi again without wondering what all the non-retard ewoks were saying about Leia when Wicket brought her into camp…

    …something along the lines of “well, damn! The little runt CAN bring home dinner!”

    But that animated gif is the most disturbing thing ever. EVER. Good find.

  11. fuck you mang. I still like ewoks.
    But I will agree on buffets and hotels.
    One rockin trip to vegas essentially ruined them both for me.
    There’s just something about your room having a full-size Hot Tub that forever makes you shit on the Vagabond Inn’s gleeking-head excuse for a shower.
    And well… once you see Stewed Rabbit on a buffet table… changes buffet tables for EV-er.

  12. What ‘face disease’ would that be?

    As for things that I used to think was cool but am SO over now: see my latest post. 🙂

  13. Ugh, dude I was JUST talking about this with Talea. What the hell happened? I’m only 23, I know, I know. But the corporate takeover has happened. Last thing I remember was trying to figure out a way to put up my Backstreet Boy posters without any immediately handy tape or tacks and deciding that sparkly nail polish would be sticky enough to effectively ruin a paint job. Now? I’m calling American Consulates to figure out how to travel without a passport, choosing an immigration lawyer and so fully addicted to coffee I’m trying to figure out where to put a coffee brewer in my 14’x14′ living space. Don’t get me wrong, my life right now rocks, especially compared to the dull non-living that was highschool. But seriously, how the hell did that happen?!?!

  14. Ha! I have not thought about the scrambler in years. Whenever I went to carni type fairs, we would ride the Zipper over and over. That thought now is beyond terrifying.

    I cannot imagine being a traveler so often that I became to hate hotels. Seriously, that would be zero fun.

  15. I recently learned that I’ve been saying “for all intents and purposes” wrong. I thought for many years that people were saying “for all intensive purposes”.

    I don’t want to go all mushy, but I can say that some of the things that lose their magic gain a little bit of sparkle again when you see them through an imp’s eyes….like running through a sprinkler in your yard. It goes from being really cool when you’re a kid to really annoying when you have to move it around your yard back to really cool when you see a little kid doing it. I think this will apply to Ewoks too. However, there is no way in hell that I am ever getting on a scrambler again.

  16. Allison, you have a unique perspective that makes one actually smell hose water from the nozzle. An amazing writer you are.

  17. My posts are not official unless Kristiane posts a comment. That’s official.

  18. I couldn’t look at that Wicket gif for long, it looked like he was going to rub a hole in that kid’s arm!!!

    I just thought of a catchy tune. You know the song some kind of wonderful? Instead of those lyrics replace them with “some kind of face disease”

    I think the major thing about getting older for me is everytime I go out and do something I just think about how much money it costs. Like the hotel thing, I would just think about how much the wet bar cost, pay per view, if I asked for a special favor how much would I have to tip etc.

    The one and only time I went to a chinese food buffet everything especially if it was fried had this nasty fish taste to it. Apparently they cook everything in one big vat like the one in who framed Rodger Rabbit. We go to a buffet sometimes called Old Country Buffet that is pretty good. They have a salad bar, a kid’s buffet, a couple hot food buffets, and a dessert buffet. Complete with the price (12 dollars a piece I think) you get a drink which is coffee, hot chocolate, milk or chocolate milk, and various sodas on the fountain dispenser and tea. I never get to sample everything I want to there. You can also dispense your own ice cream from the machine! In either a cone or a bowl so that’s pretty rockin’, what little kid doesn’t want to do that. And then go over and make a sundae. Ok I’m done 🙂

    I don’t go ride on rides enough. There is a park in Portland Oregon called Oak’s park that does the bracelet system which is the cheapest and best IMO. Get 20 bucks a person or so for food, 12 dollars for a bracelet and have a nice afternoon there. The last time I went there it was the end of July and it was HOT! I went there because a company I was hired at the week before said they were having a company picnic there. We didn’t have much if any money just enough for gas and so we were thinking go on rides…or go over to the picnic site and get a cold soda. We stayed for an hour and then left. I do want to go again but with a wad of cash and when the temperature is in the mid 70’s.

  19. Yes, best to be careful lest you get a nasty face disease (you don’t want to touch the tv remote in those places, either).

    And for the record, I have NEVER been on any fair rides…nor eaten at a Chinese buffet. *gasp*…I know, can you believe it? The fair rides always frightened me – I pictured them put together with mere cotter pins. And I knew for sure if I rode one, one of those pins would come loose and I ‘d go flying into the fried dough tent. At least it would have been a soft landing.

  20. okay, so when i read “I am absolutely positive that I will not be killed on the ‘Scrambler’,” i spit a mouthful of PBR out onto my table in this fancy restaurant i’m in right now. something about the syntax or semantics or something.

    which begs the questions:

    why do i always find myself:
    a. drinking a PBR at 3pm
    b. in the same restaurant everyday
    c. sitting in front of a computer?

    because i’m a social pariah, billy, that’s why.

  21. and that’s why I am a Pariah fan. 😀

  22. I thought taking pictures of random shit WAS your hobby.

  23. The Wicket .gif has the same creep factor as the Rockafire Explosion. Brrrrr.

    Buffets are no fun for me anymore because I’ve started actually caring about my health and I can’t eat enough to justify the exorbitant price anyway. XD

    Anyway, I totally feel you on the ROTJ thing. I used to like it a long time ago but now I think it’s lame. ESB is a thousand times better. See, I think that George Lucas started to lose his mind somewhere around 1982.

  24. I don’t care for that Wicket gif at all. Not at all. Just wanted you to know.

    I never raally liked the Ewoks that much anyway, but the only thing that’s ruined the Star Wars movies for me at all is George Lucas. I don’t know what he’s thinking these days.

    The beach has becomed ruined for me in my adult life. My family goes to Myrtle Beach every summer, since I was like 5. Not a year goes by that my cousins don’t go for a week or so in the summer. I’ve sat it out for the past few years because it’s just gotten too expensive for me and everything about it that I used to get excited about is gone. First they started charging for all the parking, then they built a giant wall around the Pavilion and started actually charging to get into it, then tore the whole thing down all together. SUCK! Now, I just can’t be bothered to fight the crowds, and the older you get, it seems the more expensive everything gets. I still kind of want to go though, especially since I’ve sort of taken a break from the whole thing for the past few years. Maybe if I go next year, I’ll be able to recapture some of the old magic that used to get me excited when I was a kid.

    Honestly, I’d rather just go camping.


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