10 Things I Have Become Aware Of In One Week


 The other day I was asked if I am self aware. I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t aware. I am, however, very tuned into the strange little things that are around me. This has become more and more apparent since I have blogged about mostly that for a year now. It is also apparent because I have been asked more than once “besides you, who thinks about that stuff…”. So maybe I am not completely aware of me but the randoness of life never misses my attention. Perhaps I have an attention disorder.

  1. I passed a guy last week while walking to my office after lunch. He was walking and eating corn on the cob. He was also in a suit, obviously going to an office as well. I have never seen anyone eat corn on the cob while walking in the city.
  2. I counted 34 “uh’s” in a presentation this guy gave at work. And I completely missed the point of the meeting.
  3. Last week I met a gentleman who believes that UFOs visit the Earth regularly. I asked him if he thought aliens would be too weird looking for humans to accept. He asked me if I thought Yoda looked weird. That made a lot of sense to me.
  4. I have seen this bike more and more at the running park. One question: How do you start the riding process?                   

 5. We are breeding kids to be wusses.

    6.  It has become clear that I am the last one to figure out that Bill O’Rielly is a real jerk and Fox News is really caddy. Can a news channel be caddy?

    7.  I notice when other guys check out girls’ butts and cleavage. Then I wondered if people notice    when I do it. It turns out they do and I am bad about hiding it. Maybe I am a little self aware.  

    8.  People who are assholes or idiots at the bar are most likely the people who rarely get drunk. I call them the “Friday after nine o’clock crew”. And I hate them so.

    9. No matter what the noise level is in a public place, the volume will always dim at the exact point you say “penis”, “vagina”, “herpes”, “prostitute”, “left testicle” and “I’m awesome”. I don’t know why that is but it’s definitely paranormal.

   10. Actually to be completely honest, I am only aware of nine things this week. I can’t make a list that has nine items or I will get a rash. I wasn’t aware that I have an issue with odd numbers like that until now. Hrm, I guess that is 10 after all.

41 Comments

  1. 😆 at #9!

    Oh and on #7 …. Us girls ALWAYS know when you guys are checking us out! 😉

  2. Hey you! I knew it. My freind always busts me but she says it is more flattering than most girls will let to.

  3. Hey yourself! 🙂 I certainly don’t mind it… reminds me that I still got it! 😉

  4. You are a seriously weird dude…er, I mean One of a Kind! Yeah, that’s what I meant! 😉

    You’re ONE OF A KIND!!

    I could totally geek out about #3, and provide you with the BEST response to that dude’s question, but I won’t. Because that would make ME weird…er, one of a kind.

  5. You are one of a kind. All my blog buddies are one of a kind. I am weird though. I have become comfortable with that for some time now.

    Please geek out on #3. I’m curious.

  6. and I thought it was weird to see a man in a suit walking down the street eating watermelon. I think the corn on the cob might be stranger though 🙂

  7. #3 – Can you buy take-out corn-on-the-cob in texas? It strikes me strictly as a dine-in item.

    #7 – Girls definitely notice guys checking us out … we’re into your tricks! We notice girls checking us out too, which happens as often.

    #8 – I love that guy’s facial expression.

  8. Furrychocolates ~ KFC sells corn on the cob to go… 🙂

    Billy, are you from Texas?

  9. Dood- here in California… people sell corn on the cob like the fuckin’ ice cream man. You ain’t never had corn unless they put mayonesa and paremsean cheese on that sumbitch.
    mm. all hungry now.

    I also hate the people who don’t drink, but hang around drinkers- so they can make fun of them when they’re drunk. That’s some fucked-up insecure-ass childish shit.

  10. I’m from Atlanta. But I am moving real soon. Where I land next, who knows. Keep the couch available. 😉

    There are a lot of smiley faces on this comment section. 😀

  11. I have a spare room 🙂

    😉 😛 😈 😆 Thought it could use a few more!

  12. moving soon huh? You should try Charlotte… I don’t have an extra room but I have a big bed 😀 lol

  13. I notice guys at work looking at the girls all the time, and flirting with them, and I wonder when I talk to those same girls if I look as pathetic and horny. God, I hope not. I intentionally try to appear as nonchalant as possible, and look only into a girl’s eyes when I’m talking to her, even resisting the overwhelming temptation to not give her the once-over eye sweep when I think she’s not looking or noticing….cause she probably is. Basically my goal at work is to appear as though I’m just hanging out and working and not come off like some of the other assholes I work with that look like drunk guys at bars checking out the fresh meat. I have no idea if I’m succeeding or not, but considering that at my current job and the one before it I ended up dating one of my co-workers for a while, I doubt it.

    And I agree, we are indeed turning our children into a generation of wusses. Whatever happened to the days of sliding down an aluminum slide in the 90 degree sun, squeaking all the way down and getting right back up to do it all over again? Most of the things that people sue toy companies over today are the exact same things that if I did when I was a kid, my mom would just tell me not to do again. Like if I burned myself on my cousin’s E-Z-Bake oven or something, she’d be like, “Well, that just teaches you kids not to stick your hand in there, doesn’t it?” I mean, we got hurt and moved on. What’s with all super-duper protective gear? How are you supposed to learn what not to do? I wiped out on my bike all the time when I was a kid, and never wore a helmet. I’m just fine. I just figured out really quick which hills not to go down and how to steer the damn thing.

  14. I used to buy corn on the cob from street vendors in Mexico and Guatemala and put all that mayo, cheese, etc. on it. But I’ve never seen anyone do it here in the states. I would like to though – especially someone in a suit.

  15. In a blue suit?

    DJ D: I don’t think you would come off that way to your co workers. Girls can tell the difference and I think it has something to do with the I.Q. level. I want to believe girls dig guys like you more but then again, their species can be impossible to predict.

  16. I don’t mind being “checked out” as long as they are discreet and show some class…. if they come off like a horn dog… then I automatically think “what a creep”

  17. You need to move to North Carolina. There’s a chain of restaurants here called CookOut, have you heard of these? Not only can you get corn on the cob at some of them, but you can get CORN DOGS as a side item. AS A SIDE ITEM. Like, with your burger. And since there’s no inside seating, you HAVE to walk down the street eating all your stuff. Do you understand the propensity of this situation? Corn Dogs As Side Items.

  18. Ungh! CORN DOGS!
    Keepadem away from me!
    *hisses like a vampire at garlic*

    And I am always really interested in fellows who keep their eyeballs in their sockets and their tongues in their mouths.
    It’s respectable.
    I’m a huge fan of the quiet, nerdy guy.
    You try swinging game and I’m gonna step back so that shIt doesn’t leave a mess on my Motorhead shirt.

    I always felt that if a gal’s gonna put her tits and ass on display, men are allowed to look. If a gal ain’t sharing her goods, that means she doesn’t want to be stared at.

  19. If I know one thing in this life it’s that I’ll never, ever understand women–not completely anyway. Some rules seem to be fairly universal with all of them, but then once you think you have them figured out on other stuff, one woman will come along and contridict everything you thought you knew about them based on the previous one you talked to.

    But then, men are complex too. I think my ideal woman is somewhere between Christina Ricci, Natalie Portman, and Lisa Loeb–Incredibly intellegent, kind of mousy, nerdy, quiet, and drop dead sexy all at the same time. Come to think of it, somehow that’s how I would like to see myself, except kind of dangerous at the same time. Whether or not I actually come off that way to other people is a totally different matter. I think I just come off weird. I don’t know what women go for really, aside from the classic stereotypical Harrison Ford stuff. The last girl I dated told me that the fact that I could solve a Rubik’s cube turned her on. Here I am trying to watch what I eat and get in some exercise to stay good looking, and obsessing over the fact that I’m losing my hair and how I can make that “work for me”, choosing my words, listening, being respectful, saving up for nice clothes to make it look like I have money (I mean, let’s face it, they’re looking at money before they’re looking at anything else) and all that bullcrap–all the stuff you’re supposed to do to make them notice you, and all it takes is solving a Rubik’s cube.

    It’s like Bill said, they’re another species.

  20. Oh, and corn dogs as a side item??? Sign me up!

  21. I get busted for checking out ladies way too much, I always act like I feel terrible about it but in all honesty I don’t.
    Does this make me a bad person??

  22. DJ D: corn dogs are one of the cheapest foods available. Not all girls look at money first. I once dumped a guy because he tried to ply me with a ski trip after we had a fight. There are few things grosser to me than a dude who tries to monetarily bribe his girlfriend out of being pissed at him. One thing that is grosser to me is a girlfriend who would expect to be spoiled after her boyfriend pisses her off. Money’s retarded. And if you’re doing something to make girls notice you, and it revolves around the illusion of wealth, you’re already trying to attract the wrong girl. See? Just bring a Rubik’s Cube everywhere you go.

  23. That is impressive that you can solve a rubix cube, DJ D.

    I lived in South Florida for a couple of years and it seemed all the girls were into money. I mean all of them. Except for one, but that is neither here nor there.

    Josh: You are not a bad person my friend.

    Mandey: Corn dogs as a side item. It’s like I was born again. What a glorious thing!

    Kelli: If anyone spit game on a Motorhead shirt, you punch them straight in the throat.

  24. Kelli: If anyone spit game on a Motorhead shirt, you punch them straight in the throat.

    Amen to that.

    Yeah, at the risk of getting all therapyish, I think it’s just a hangup of mine. I don’t really like talking about it all that much, but I was pretty poor growing up–did the whole welfare and food stamps thing and had to wear hand-me-down clothes from my older cousins and pretty much lived in the ghetto. I got toys for Christmas every year but because my b-day is so close to Christmas sometimes it had to count as both, and there were times when, if not for the kindness of family or the church, we might not have had food on the table, but I turned out all right. As much as I’m not intimidated easily and have got a pretty thick skin, the only thing that I would call my “weakness” is I have a thing about still being poor. I make good money now and can take care of myself, but I still drive a shitty car and am paying for college totally out of my own pocket and will be paying it off forever. I think growing up like that just sort of made me self-consious about being considered “the poor kid”, so I’m still
    kind of defensive about it. I have this hang-up where I think if a girl doesn’t like me or if a relationship doesn’t work out, it’s becuse I don’t have enough money, and it’s made me a little bitter–totally more my problem than anyone else’s though.

    Oh, god enough of that. Therapy session is over. Ok, moving on…

    Speaking of weird side items, does anybody else get anything other than fries when they go to Wendy’s? They have all those other options, like chili and fruit cups and baked potatoes and stuff, but I always forget about it and go with the old standby, but you know, maybe I would rather have a baked potato with my chicken sandwhich. I should try that next time.

  25. Wow you got a ton of comments today Will!!! You busy blogger you. I like your little insights in the world for sure. Sometime I want to make a video to put on youtube of me opening the door of the fridge to get something out of it and blanking because almost every single time I open the fridge I completely forget what I was looking for!!

    But anyway I did a video last night and I threw in the picture of you in your bumble bee costume. It’s a classic for sure. I saved it and cropped it because I wanted it to be the picture that pops up when you call (which you NEVER do but I like to keep the dream alive) but I thought you would get a kick out of that and anybody else that wants to take a peak.

    This video is just me showing how to insert pictures into videos with windows movie maker, a friend of mine had no clue how to do that and I have been trying to use Camcastia as much as I can nowadays. Camcastia is screen recording/capturing software.

  26. You know what the worst thing about those plastic play sets is? The static electrocution you get every time you go down the slide. I still have a scar on my left knee from a screw on my 1970s swing set that may or may not have been properly assembled.

  27. I’m still convinced that when I swing on one of those things that the poles anchoring it are going to come right out of the ground and the whole thing will fall over, leaving me to fly out of the swing and fall right to my death. I still love swinging though.

  28. Wow. You have a veritable comment party going on here. Please stop saying Herpes in public. That should take care of that problem. Left testicle is perfectly acceptable though. And not at all strange.

    Your list was hilarious!

  29. I add my support to the never understanding women party…we need to pick a platform and run for office. The minute you think you’ve got it figured out, they turn a left while throwing a curve ball. It sucks….

    And you just now figured out the whole Fox news thing?

    Your “Friday after 9 crew” sounds like what I refer to “Bro Dogs” or “Broddies”; they are everywhere around here. Auburn University is in spitting distance, and that place seems to breed the type of guys that still wear polo shirts just to pop the collars up and wear ballcaps just so their hair curls up around it; you know the type I mean. And they always have something to say about everything, ” Yo, bro, that shit is crazy dog; let’s get a Rolling Rock and gets wasted!”

    There’s also the Bradies- the female version of the Broddies who are the type of girl only looking for the biggest jock with the biggest wallet around. And they have absolutely no problem acting like complete idiots -even when they re not- because they were taught growing up that than can get what they want be acting “cute” and playing with their hair and shaking their stuff. And it works every time. “OMG I am soooo drunk. Let’s make out LOL!”

    I think we all need therapy….

    and corn dogs as side items……

  30. See, D- That’s teh shit you use for Blog Posts.
    So go and make some!

    But as you have hangups about being Poor, I have hangups about being Ugly. Ever since I was little, I’ve always had this feeling of inadequacy in the Pretty department. I was prudish,bookish and very much a tomboy in my youth. So when I became interested in boys- none were interested in me becuase I was the weird gal that caught frogs and played kickball. I didn’t know about how to match my clothes or how to bat my eyes or wear makeup- cause I didn’t care.

    Sometimes it bites me in the ass- there’s something that flattens your esteem when you see the Hot girl come int the bar and you just look down at your Etnies as everyone looks to see the hot piece of ass that came in.

    But I just tell myself- beauty fades. And she can’t hop a fence in those heels.

  31. “OMG this fence is all dirty and so frickin’ high….awe”

  32. #5. I had roller skates with metal wheels and was not rushed to the hosptial after I was in a moped accident, despite the bleeding and pain. My parents believed a few hard knocks built character.

    #6. Welcome to reality. Bill O’Reilly is the biggest asshole on tevelvision.

    #7. Even when guys are being subtle, we girls ALWAYS notice. Sunglasses are a good cover but we’re pretty clued in to your tractor-beam stares. It reaches a creepy level if A) You never make eye contact; or B) You’re my stalker who looks like an Oompa Loompa.

    #9. This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Any innapropriate words will be amplified in a noisy public place as soon as you say them. I think there’s a law ensuring this.

  33. Man, I didn’t think my list would hit close to home with anyone. I guess I was wrong.

    Moped accident? I must here more.

  34. kittymao, i know how you feel. i have a TON of trouble being girly. doesn’t help being 5’10” either. i like hoodies and mens polo shirts and black glasses and ugly shoes and that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

    and billy, i will also throw it out there that you should move up here. i’m sure kb would side with me on this one. we could make a little billy sandwich.

  35. I have been in mini-hibernation WordPress/Facebook/Email wise (cuz I temporarily lost my cyber-mojo and I am anti-social…not sure why), and yet I keep breaking the mini-strike to read your hiliarious posts (by the way, that is a high compliment coming from someone as popular and coveted as myself, so let it fill you with glee accordingly).

    ANYHOO, boy did I need a laugh and you delivered in spades 🙂 ; my laugh-out-loud moments included “corn on the cob dude” (seriously? In a bustling metropolis?), wussy-kids, and the indiscreteness of saying “I’m awesome” in public (in my case the sound usually dims when I say “Ya you know you want a piece”…*ahem*)

    PS: you were SO on the ball about things like “Hello Kitty luggage” wussifying today’s kids! Like when I was a kid, not only did I walk 10 miles to school in the snow, but I also had to carry all my belongings in a garbage bag hoisted over my shoulder…no “easy on the back” child’s luggage for me…dammit.

  36. Amy: I make a good sandwich center,

    Romi: You have lost your mojo? Really? I haven’t noticed it. You were pretty on from your most recent post. I laugh my ass off everytime i read your site. Seriously, it’s incredibly funny.

  37. Why thank you; it is always nice to hear that a laugh was had, and likewise very much 🙂

  38. Great list, Billy. I thought it was a dumb idea but it kinda grew on me as I read. Then the comments were fun too.
    I liked your number 2. It reminded me of an insufferable meeting I had to attend recently where the chairperson used the word “vis-a-vis” ten times in a 40 minutes presentation. I kid you not.

  39. Just wanted to wish you a Happy and Safe 4th Billy! (don’t burn your house down!)

  40. Happy 4th to you too! I’ve got the sparklers primed and ready.

  41. My goals for the day, in no particluar order:

    1) See, D- That’s teh shit you use for Blog Posts.
    So go and make some!
    ‘Nuff said. I totally agree.

    2) Clean apartment

    3) Find some laundry place that’s actually open today cause I don’t have a washer/dryer in above mentioned new apartment. Good luck with that one.

    4) Possibly go to cookout I was invited to.

    5) See Wall-E if I can find someone who has the time and interest to do it with me. Not likely cause they’re all doing cookouts/family stuff.

    6) Pay bills.

    7) Organize impromptu group road trip to Billy’s house for sparklers, beer, and burgers. Afterwards we all hit up the beach, where more beer is consumed and somebody loses their swimming shorts in the ocean.


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