Ida-NOOOOOOO!


I do apologize for the week plus hiatus. Getting situated and orientated really has left me no time to update. But I can promise you I have much to tell. So be a dear and put the tea kettle on; I have stories. Actually those will have to wait a day. For now, I want to share some observations I have about Idaho.

  1. There are far more bars than churches. There was even a bar next to the exit of my street that had a place out front where people can tie up their horse. Let me say that again. They have designated horse parking.
  2. Just because it says that the restaurant is Chinese doesn’t mean that the people working there are. My waitress from last night was Claire and she lived in Idaho her whole life. Steven was her husband. He was the cook.
  3. Every Wednesday night is “No Smoking Night” at the local bowling alley. Any other night, smoke ’em if you got ’em!
  4. Past Coeur d Alene, the driving rules turn to “what is deemed acceptable” which means, there isn’t very much that is enforced. I suppose what Idahoans deem acceptable is to turn around in the seat, bend over and put their face on the backseat and drive with their feet. Because that is the only way I can rationalize some of the maneuvers I have witnessed on 95.
  5. I haven’t seen a minority in weeks and I am beginning to freak out.
  6. Common health notions like smoking is bad for your health, chewing tobacco causes cancer, eating more than 15 bean and cheese burritos a day can increase risk of heart disease and deodorant hasn’t quite made it here yet.
  7. The moustache hasn’t died here. It’s alive and well.
  8. Neither has the mullet.
  9. Being from Georgia I am always shocked when I am talking with a “country” looking fellow and he has no southern accent. It’s the weirdest thing.
  10. I often sit next to some guy who has dirty, grimy hands but he took the time to put on enough cologne for the two of us. And by “enough for the two of us” I mean I smelled like “Midnight Cowboy” from Walmart for the rest of the night.

I love it here. I was starting to run dry of material in Atlanta and now the cup runith over. Or something like that. Fitnessmacabre will be rocking, I pray, by Friday. It’s all up to Northface as to the sponsor regulations. Not my fault I swear! Blame Sarah. She can take the heat. J/K Sarah. Keep a look out because Cristunity has a great article when it launches.

18 Comments

  1. MIdnight Cowboy is hawt, dude.

    You amaze me, the way you keep reinforcing the one blatant assumption I made about you, which is that you can adapt to any surrounding you’re in. Sometimes I looks at someone and think, “I bet he’s a good climber of trees.” Or, “I bet she sucks at crosswords.” But with you, I always thought, “He will force his environment to entertain him.”

    And this is why I adore you.

    I miss you too.

  2. i was starting to think you got lost out there!

  3. Oh man this is so funny because it’s so true. I can’t wait until you write about some more stuff you’re observing. It’s like going down memory lane.

  4. Well look at this. I take a little hiatus from the internet for a few weeks and you up and move. First off, I gotta apologize for not being around, but I’m back in the swing of it now. I just spent the last half hour or so reading all the posts from the last 6 weeks or so and you kept me in stitches. I’ll be chuckling about “The Kum and Go” all night now. I’m glad you made it there safe and sound but I’m just sorry we never got a chance to hook up in GA. I was just in Duluth a few weeks ago seeing NIN in concert. Can’t wait for another update and all the great stories that will come out this new chapter of your life. I tell ya, I’m pretty jealous. I dream of just taking off and getting the heck out of SC and moving somewhere where I’m a total stranger–clean slate and all that. I’ve just got too much tying me here now–work, finishing up school, sick mom, etc. One day I know I’ll make that fateful drive cross country. I still want to at least take a vacation out that way sometime. Maybe we’ll sit down for that beer one of these days yet.

  5. Dude!!!! You have been missed so severely! Shame on you! Felt like part of the party died! Glad to have you back my freind.

  6. socialpariah I think Bill is very laid back and he can see the humor in even the most embarrassing or awful situations. His glass is half full. It’s very inspiring actually. He reminds me of a quadriplegic that I saw when I was in high school that is a motivational speaker that had a great story about a pelican that crapped on him. He spent 2 hours in the hot sun covered with pelican shit. His buddies took him out of his chair and posed him so he could blend in and hit on chicks walking by. I guess it was funnier how he described it.

    Oh Bill, I have relief now that you have found your spot in your new place. I was like a Jewish worried mother there for a while. I almost mailed you some home baked cookies, a 3 page double sided handwritten letter, amusing articles from the local newspaper, and some clean underwear. I might do that still πŸ™‚

    Have you ever heard of the site mulletsgalore.com? I think you need to bone up on the specific definitions for mullets pronto.

    I think those kind of Cowboys are called Urban Cowboys. They dress up like that to have an image and to pick up chicks. We have plenty of Mexicans around here so you’ll see them. They live here for the work in the fields because we have a lot of farms around here. It’s kind of a long story but there was this 19 year old Mexican boy here that used to hit on me he even bought me candy lol he told me that he has at the time been here for 6 months. He was in some kind of training for an american job type of school in Mexico and then went through a the best students can go to america and finish school there thing. According to him. I could hardly understand him but he was very sweet.

    Funny thing about it was, he saw my ‘ahem’ toys on the floor of my bedroom I totally forgot to put them away (I got used to seeing them there, trust me though they are in a tote packed away now lmao you won’t see them) and he freaked out and got all giddy and his eyes got as big as saucers. I learned my lesson even though with that even though it really wasn’t that big of a deal it was just really funny. It was really scary stuff like stuff you would buy at Home Depot. K I’ll stop πŸ™‚

    Hilarious about the lots of bars thing. There are a lot of churches here but in a town over there is a strip club. A lot of the Mexicans walk around with big ol cowboy hats that they bought at walmart and cowboy boots wranglers etc. it amuses me because what the hell? I have nothing against them it just makes me scratch my head. I guess that is the definition of making it in America to them, is to blend in and talk dress and walk like one. I think I am done traumatizing everyone now so I am done here for now lol!!

  7. This was hilarious! Are you sure you’re in Idaho? Sounds like a few places I have visited in my neck of the woods πŸ˜‰

    Looking forward to more! And I’m glad you like it there *hug*

  8. I’d probably stand out where you’re at if there are no minorities. The people wouldn’t know what to do to see a latina roaming their land.

    I remember when I was in High School my father was offered a job in Chatanooga, TN…I said in freaking CHATANOOGA!!! He thought about it and then let that idea go…Thank God! I would have been the only tan lassie out there!

    Hope everything continues well.

  9. I stand correctly. I wrongly informed you that you would find no culture in Idaho. But it looks like you scraped quite a bit of culture out of the shower stall known as Coure d’Alene and are suffering for the amusement of others. Now that’s blog devotion.

    P.S. ‘Midnight Cowboy’ is H.O.T.

  10. I am not a total doofus, just still a little tired from the lack of sleep.

    Ahem. I stand CORRECTED.

  11. allright Billy-Boy!
    You’re still alive!

    And I agree… there is somethign very weird about being in a town full of white people. I visit Rudy’s family in Moses Lake WA once a year- and even though he’s mexican, all of his family is whitewashed. I speak spanish with more accent than his Washington cousins do.
    .

  12. Hey, my friend, glad to hear you made the trip safely. And if the new location provides more blog fodder, well, then, I think you made the right move!

    When are you gonna start growing a stache?

  13. This is proof of how lame I am, but I am deeply attracted to a place where moustaches and mullets can still be seen in the wild, and there is designated horse parking.

    Also, re: #9, I felt the exact same way when I lived in bumpkin New Englandland.

  14. Oh and thank you for the link and the pre-post hype. Yay me!

  15. I would be far more impressed if you had ended up smelling like “Brut” or “Stetson” for the rest of the night…maybe next time YOU can lather it on thick for your fellow men and “spread the stench”…lol πŸ˜‰

  16. I am glad you are liking it there. Thats all i have to say today πŸ™‚

  17. lol…yeah, lots of places in the West still smoke everywhere…i HATE that! Hiliarious though that there is one, lonely “No Smoking Night.” Now I must go back nd read about your other travels…

  18. Oh! That Idaho. Man, what was I thinking?


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