Back from The Mountain


I know, I know…I have been a shitty poster. Actually I have an excuse and a good one at that. You see, I live on a mountain now. No really, I live on a mountain and the closest neighbor I have is over two miles away. It may take a week to get the Internet hooked up so I have to drive to the valley to use the great wide world of the web. But I don’t mind it. For the past two weeks my life has been anything but normal and I’ll fill you in on some very random shots and even more elusive explanations that will have you piecing together your own conclusions. Let’s begin shall we?

This has now become normal to me. No longer will two fifty year olds wearing purple silk pants and fishnet stockings on a motorcycle be blog worthy material. I have become completely desensitized. I don’t even know if a mime playing the bagpipes on a segway will cause me to pause anymore. Regardless I did take the picture and did so very cautiously. I make it a point in life to never get my ass kicked by a dude in purple pants.

Living in hotel rooms for weeks on end is not only very expensive but it completely sucks. If I had to audit my sleeping time in life I would bet that a year and a half has been spent in a Holiday Inn Express. So, when I came out here I made it a point to find a spot to rent as soon as possible and left it in the hands of Vista Management Co. I sent them a background form and $50 so they could process me in and find a one bedroom place as quickly as possible. Well, this is what they had. A Bavarian crack house.

You can’t quiet tell from this picture but the windows had blankets over them for makeshift drapes, people were looking out the windows checking me out as if I were a poorly undercover agent for the DEA and I swear I heard Cheech and Chong singing “Beeners” from inside one of the rooms. Oh, and built onto this complex was a tattoo and piercing parlor called The Blue Rose.

Well, to grossly understate this, I was a little disappointed in Vista, myself and Idaho. I went back to the management office and the moron lady asked what I thought as she smirked. I said in a very nice tone that if it could suck any harder it would turn inside out. I dropped the keys on her counter and walked out feeling great that I blew $50 and an hour out of my day. I think I may ask Allison’s husband Matt if he could write a nasty letter to them.

But every time it seems that life leads you down a path to no where, a random tether ball hits you in the back of the head, forcing you to look in a new direction. (Jesus Mary and Carpenter that made no sense.) What I mean is that I found some luck and was able to stay with very nice people until I found a place worthy of my snotty taste. And to my surprise they didn’t chop me up and serve me in chili. It was a win win. They even had two cute dogs,

The one on top is Teddy and below is Missy. Both are very sweet but as far as cuteness goes I have to lean towards Missy. And that is only because of her under-bite. Actually now that I think about it, Missy looks kind of like Dee Wallace in the movie The Howling. It was when she turned into a Shitzu at the end. See it?

Well, not before too long I found a place that met my needs and was reasonable in price. The only catch is that it is secluded. And what I mean by secluded is that it is up a mountain and the nearest neighbor is over two miles away. I think by mid November when the snow starts to fall these posts my start sounding like Jack Torrence and be in various shapes and stanzas. But for now it is warm and I love it. Check out the kitchen!

And here is the view from the back window:

Until I get my stuff put together that is all I can show for now. It’s out there but I think this will work. Funny thing is the city-boy in me really comes out because the other night I came home to find 5 wild turkeys walking around and the first thought that popped in my head was “I wonder if they bite”. Luckily a dear friend of mine assured me that they don’t. But I still have my eyes open.

Internet will be up soon and I’ll stop having to come down to the “valley” every time I need to post something. But for now I am hanging out next to a poster of Brandy Norwood in a major University library. She is encouraging literacy as she sports a copy of The Cat In The Hat. That’s the book I would have chosen too.

23 Comments

  1. Hi Billy! I’ve missed ya! πŸ˜€ Love that view! Wow! Love the kitchen too… I can cook you dinner when I come for a visit πŸ˜‰

  2. The key is under the mat! Who am I kidding, I don’t even lock the door. I’ll be patiently awaiting your visit!

  3. I can’t wait until I live in a place where turkey’s roam freely. Looks like you have yourself a decent place there.

  4. Turkeys truly are the dumbest animals on the planet so I certainly wouldn’t blog about getting my ass kicked by a turkey. But as for your almost crack-house residence, now THAT would have been a constant source of worthy material. Safety be damned… it’s all about entertaining the masses.

  5. Oh my gosh! I was in tears reading this post. Your descriptions are priceless… a spot in the mountains is much better than a Bavarian crack house any day.

  6. I still can’t stop laughing over the motorcycle couple.

    As long as the turkeys are roaming free and you are not one of them…welcome home!

  7. billy, you are the only google search for the exact phrase “bavarian crack house.”

    you haven’t run in to josh out there have you? he seems to be missing.

  8. Ooo…I want that snaggle toothed dog!

    Wow, Billy, what a kitchen. It’s far bigger and better than mine. Can I borrow it?

    And wild turkeys in your yard? Woooo…just think, Thanksgiving dinner right at your doorstep!

  9. I belong to the bad poster club now too. You’ve given me a very good business idea…I should pimp Matt’s nasty-letter writing skills πŸ™‚

    Love the kitchen. I don’t cook much (Read: At all), but I do appreciate a pretty kitchen.

  10. so did you get a tattoo yet? At the Blue Rose?

  11. Mountains, lakes, bavarian crack houses, wild turkeys roaming free (as opposed to in a bottle), aged bikers in purple pleather….life can’t get any better! Most excellent.

    So, Thanksgiving at your house, right? Sounds like you’ve got the turkey in the bag, how ’bout I bring a pie?

  12. Nice to know that you’re alive.

    Does anyone get the “Private Idaho” reference, or are they like everyone else and want to punch the next person who mentions it from hearing it so many times?

  13. I am so glad you gave us an update. You sure have been extremely busy getting settled! That kitchen almost looks like mine, I think that is a new thing because there is another blogger that moved a few months ago that his kitchen almost looks the same too. Mine isn’t curved like that though, it is straight with a door at the end leading to the washer and dryer, pantry and then to the right the door to the garage. The counters, cupboards, floor, stove/microwave combo and fridge look the same. It sure is nice. We don’t have a kitchen table though and that makes me feel a bit white trash. We have been shopping around and every time we find one we like we can’t afford to get one at that time. I have been trying to work a bit and so when I make a pile of money I’ll buy one.

    The Bavarian crack house looks like a run down hotel to me! I can’t imagine anyone moving in there! I used to live in an apartment where someone did the makeshift curtains too w/ children’s curtains. I don’t remember the design it had dora the explorer or something like that on it.

    I can totally imagine you running around like Tarzan in your backyard hunting for your breakfast! But maybe it’s just I want to imagine you with a loincloth on. Eeep, ya got me πŸ™‚

    I think you entered the Twilight Zone Bill. Where up is down and nothing is what it seems.

  14. So I wonder why the Bavarian crack house is numbered 405 and then 405 1/2 rather than 406? Odd. Looks like you made a good move and the view from your place is awesome.

  15. hmm…..so fish-net stocking=magnetic humpy good times with purple-silk-pants man…hmmmm….maybet that’s what I’ve been missing, the “fish-net” factor, thanks for the tip dude πŸ™‚

    PS: that kitchen is SO nice-looking, that I would just hop right in there and cook for you (yup I’m very superficial when it comes to kitchen acceptance, as well as people in general…lol.. πŸ˜‰ )

  16. I hate you for your counter space.

  17. DC: Much like home on the range where the deer and antelope play, who knew that home on the mountain is where turkeys roam free?

    Pam: I know. But then who would come visit? πŸ™‚

    VeRonda: It’s nice to see a new face! Thanks for stopping by!

    Spartan: I know pal, the purple pants really make the ensemble.

    Amy: I am worried about Josh. I think he disappeared for a few weeks before but still. I am a little happy to be the only Bavarian crack-house google starter.

    2LDogs: I am not sure what the kitchen will be used for but I put a small TV on the counter just for the Food Network. Couldn’t hurt.

    Allison: It’s ok to take a break for a while. It is an addiction though. Btw, you should start a side business with Matt. You guys would be unstoppable.

    Maleesha: Think I should? Think they do eyeliner?

    SH: You bring the pie and I’ll cover the turkey. Just have to chase one down with a golf club first.

    Galileo: Thanks buddy. I bet not many people would get that. At least not the 4 that I know.

    Jodi: This is totally the Twilight Zone. every exit is in through the outdoor.

    Blue: Right? How funny would that be to get mail to a 405 1/2 Howser St? I would always be explaining that I lived in a crack-house and I split a flat with Cheech.

    Romi: You are welcome! πŸ™‚ And I’ll never refuse an offer for cooking. Ever. Ever ever.

    ever.

    cristitunity: It’s ok to hate for Nazi’s and counter space I suppose. πŸ˜‰

  18. Who indeed. I just read 3 offers from ladies who’d love to cook for you… Bavarian crack house or not. I’m pretty sure you’ve got a quite the guest list already. πŸ˜‰

  19. I want to cook for Bill!! I enjoy cooking for friends. But when he comes over we are going to buy a bunch of junk food and stuff so unfortunately I won’t get the opportunity I don’t think. Maybe I’ll make him a kickass breakfast lol πŸ™‚

  20. Billy, you make me want to go camping. That or blow my student loans on another trip out west before the snow comes. Hey, camping out west! Though the stove in your kitchen makes frozen pizza sound good right now…

  21. sure, sure, I meant it when I said I’d cook, but uhhh…you’re doing the dishes πŸ˜‰

  22. Bill the next time you see the guy in the purple pants, do me a favor and ask him where I can score a pair of them! I need purple pants for my Hulk costume this Halloween!

  23. Man, what a sweet view, and nice kitchen to boot. Extra points to you for the Howling reference!

    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.
    All work and no play makes Billy a dull boy.


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