Movies That Make You Shower


Have you ever seen a movie and felt so disturbed that you feel like brushing your teeth and taking a shower? God I have and for some strange reason, I love it. Almost to the point that if I don’t walk away with that dark, creepy feeling, I am somehow let down. I need help, I know. Here are a few of the movies that have stuck with me over the years and resulted in my carbon footprint being much larger thanks to the amount of lights left on over night. Now that it is almost October I feel a little less weird posting this.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

This is the king of all movies disturbing and macabre. I can never quite get through the whole dinner scene without taking a break and reminding myself that it’s just a movie. I guess the real reason this movie is so scary is the fact it is not supernatural at all. It is a realistic account of sick, cannibalistic killers that torment a poor girl to the point of making her completely insane. Another creepy factor is the fact a majority of the movie happens in the daytime and that plays on the mind. But the good thing about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is you can take away some good points to live by. Never pick up hitchhikers, never buy BBQ from a gas station, skip driving through central Texas and above all else, before you watch this movie be sure to have plenty of soap in the shower. You’ll need it.

Basket Case III

They sure don’t make movies like this anymore. I saw it when I was a young teen, flipping back and forth between this and the original HeadBanger’s Ball. The movie itself is very campy but the freaks and Grammy Ruth chilled me to the bone. Today’s feature flicks leave out the latex special effects and that is too bad. Kids of today might not get to experience a complete appetite killer like this B rated dump in a box which proves what I have been saying for years: we are raising little wussy kids. Here is the trailer and please, if you are eating something, you might want to put it down for a minute.

Troll

I bet you have seen this flick and you are asking, “why is this on the ‘need to take a shower’ list?”. Well, to be perfectly honest, I saw this when I was 8 and it was the frickin’ singing mushroom, man. And it was a good mushroom too! I can’t quite explain it but the fact there was singing fungus made me cringe. It’s funny what bugs a kid. I also hated Falcor the Luck Dragon’s back in The Never Ending Story. I thought it looked like white corn on the cob.

See? I was a weird kid.

The Stuff

Thanks to this cinematic gem I wasn’t able to eat yogurt, sour cream, mayonnaise, cream cheese, cottage cheese, vanilla pudding, marshmallow, the center of an Oreo, mozzarella, ricotta, or whipped butter. My kid cholesterol level was happy but it made dinner preparation for mom a little difficult. I never got over my mayo hate but luckily time heals all wounds and The Stuff faded from my mind over the years. I can once again scrape the white Oreo center with my front teeth.

The Gate

Oh The Gate! This was on HBO at least 30 times a day back in the mid eighties. I told myself not to watch it but every time, I found myself on the recliner with Cheese Puffs out of the can in hand, preparing to not sleep for a week. Its not that the movie is scary by any means, it just has a few gross parts and some disturbing claymation. And really, that’s all I need to feel grossed out. Especially when one of the characters turns into a demon and pusses out in a bathroom stall. There are no happy thoughts that can wipe that image away.

Spookies

1986 was the year for bad, really bad, horror flicks. Thank God for 1986! This is one of the worst by far but as a kid, I was petrified of it. I want to thank my Uncle Nat for renting this when the VCR was very much like the Wii of today. Nat was probably about 20 at the time and he was kind enough to hang out with an 8 year old but clearly, he didn’t understand what would scar a kid for life. Even today he’ll call me on my birthday just to say, “happy birthday Billlllyyyyy”.Β  I’m surprised I don’t remember the farting zombies. You would think that would stand out. Perhaps that escaped my attention from hiding behind the couch.

Braindead

Let me see, what can I say about this film? Nope, there are no words. There are only involuntary bodily functions that can sum up my feelings on this. Braindead covered all the bases of what would scare a kid and make them feel dirty for weeks on end. Babies in a blender to an old lady decomposing in her cream soup. Barf!!! The only thing I can do is show you this as an apology for the trailer.

There. Feel better? Good.

The Sentinel (1977)

Now this movie scared me so bad my feet went to sleep. That happens from time to time and it is a clear indication that the movie is really terrifying. If you haven’t seen this before and you like the horror genre, check it out. It will make you think twice about renting an apartment in the city. This video is pretty scary so proceed with caution. I give an A to whoever paired Bach with the scenes. Ultra creepy. I would give this an A plus but I just found out that the keyboard on my computer has two minuses and no pluses. What the fuck?

Don’t watch this at work!

I think this just knocked the moral compass of this blog down about a hundred steps but I want you to imagine this. Can you picture the puppeteers and the people doing the sex voices behind the scenes? Oh to be a fly on the wall at that studio!

Well, that is a wrap on the movies that make you want to decontaminate yourself. I know there are a thousand more but these are the ones that stuck out in my head. I hope you walked away with something but then again, it might be better if you didn’t. I’m going to post more of these type of blogs. That is what I started out doing and now that it is the spooky time of the year, why not?

11 Comments

  1. I am glad you wrote a blog about this subject. I have never been into the slasher types of movies but more into the zombie movies. I can’t believe you thought braindead (or dead alive here in america) was so gross you were creeped out by it. I watched that movie as a kid and I thought it was funny as hell. It’s a great movie for a good laugh, especially during the Halloween season.

    They play Troll on one of the movie channels all the time. If you want I can DVR it for you. I have never watched it but I have heard of it before. I like some of the stephen king movies. One of my favorites is sleepwalkers. I watched that recently, man what an over the top bad movie. And of course IT. I can’t believe that you are scared of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I think that movie is overrated and not that scary. I also like the movie Dr Giggles and movies like that. Dead alive and Texas chainsaw are the only two movies I have seen out of all the ones you mentioned but most of them I have heard of.

  2. I’m severly unlucky in that I am utterly incapable of being disturbed by a movie (except one that I will mention in a second…). I put on a horror movie I’ve never seen, and every single time I’m sitting there going, ‘come on, there has got to be SOMETHING that will disturb me’. You’d think this would be great, that I can go to any movie and never suffer nightmares or any sort of feelings of fear during the movie…it’s not. It’s terrible. It sucks, beyond all belief. I’ve been like this since I was 6. All the kids would be screaming watching a slasher flick, and I’d be in the background laughing my ass off or making fun of the dumb characters who are completely predictable.

    I try and try to find SOMETHING to get me a little bit scared…never works. I like to be scared but those damn movies just can’t do it for me. Uhg.

    The only movie, sadly enough, that got to me, is Pet Semetary. Yes, go ahead and laugh…. I saw it when I was 6, and I had nightmares. I love animals, so the whole thing COMPLETELY freaked me out. I didn’t see it again until I was about 12, and I made the stupid mistake of watching it at night. It didn’t scare me then, but it disturbed me because of all of the memories it brought up. That sister, Zelda or whatever—she needs to be drowned. I bought the movie not long after that, and I can still say, even now, although it doesn’t make me frightened, it stays on my mind for a few hours afterward. Something about dead animals coming back to life…not quite right. Yet zombie movies don’t bother me in the least, makes no sense.

  3. Gremlins scared the shit outta me when I was 5. Gizmo was (and still is) fine, but when those cocoons appeared and the Gremlins…jibblies. I couldn’t even stomach my mom’s Gremlin action figure in the house it scared me so much.

  4. I got the dirty feeling watching Cannibal Holocaust. It’s not a slasher/zombie movie, but the real life grotesque animal killings among other things just left me feeling very unclean.

  5. Mayonnaise haters REPRESENT! Thank God there’s more than one of us.

    I love silly horror movies, but I’ve seen barely any of these, so thanks, Billy, I will have to check some of them out. The one I saw when I was eight that scared the crap out of me was Poltergeist. Now it’s a movie I like watching.

    BTW, where in the world did you get that puppy picture? It’s awesome!

    lucienlachance, I’m the same way. There are very few horror movies that actually freak me out; I’m almost always laughing through saying “Eeewww!” The only one I can think of offhand? Alien. I think it’s because I have birth issues, but the scene when the alien comes out of poor John Hurt’s stomach always makes me hide my face.

  6. I saw the original House of Wax in the 2nd grade at a sleep over and was so disturbed that I had to go home in the middle of the night. Don’t do horror movies so it’s odd that one of my favorite TV shows of all time is ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer.’ Don’t judge me until you’ve seen a few episodes… I’ve got all seasons of both Buffy and Angel of DVD. Best written TV shows EVER.

  7. Great list Bill!! I remember back in the day before we owned a VCR we used to rent them for the weekend and one of my movie picks was “The Stuff”. Like you I couldn’t eat mayo, yogurt or anything similar for a long, long time.

    I’ve never seen any of the Basket Case movies but sadly I’m intrigued enough now to put them on my Netflix que and The Sentinel as well!

    Looking forward to the next entry!

    Oh and Pammy Girl, your not alone in the Buffy/Angel love. I’m man enough to admit I used to watch it and have some of the seasons on DVD. πŸ˜€

  8. Hello!!!! I know it doesn’t fit with the theme here… but Fight Club needs to be on this list. Not because is was disturbing to the point of these movies but for no better reason then the nastiness they lived in thru the whole film. It gave me the willies thru the whole movie. How can you think about paying attention to a movie when you just want to hire a maid and send them on over and chalk it up to an Early Christmas or Birthday gift!! Yeah FULL ON GROSS!!

    Full on disturbing… Im going with Trainspotting and A Clockwork Orange!!

  9. The Gate holds a special place in my heart as the first horror movie that I ever sat through from start to finish, and for over a month my friend and I kept repeating the line “Yoooou’ve been baaaaad!” in school with no-one having any clue what the heck we were talking about. In fact, everytime I see the flm referenced, that line just leaps in to my head.

  10. The Leprechaun films. And possibly “Lucky”…

  11. I just finished watching every one of these clips, and damn that was the best (and WORST) thing to watch before bed!!!

    @Texas Chainsaw Massacre: I still can’t believe I’ve never seen that movie, and I didn’t quite know what it was about, but it looks soooo cool how they torment the girl and stuff, lol…gotta see that! πŸ™‚

    @ Basket Case III: “wtf” is all I can really say? Hahahaha….and that ugly baby that was born in the clip? Umm…kinda looks like my sister when she was born, but I’m just sayin’….

    @Troll: it wasn’t so much the talking mushroom that freaked me out in that clip, but moreso the hairy pig character….

    @The Stuff: hahaha…seriously that was a movie? πŸ˜‰ And you may want to look into this further if you do another “Where did you go?” post, but I’m pretty sure the kid who starred in “The Stuff” was the same kid who would later play Samantha Micelli’s recurring boyfriend “Jesse” in a few episodes of “Who’s the Boss”…not sure if anyone else already mentioned that, but I’m 70% sure that was him….

    @The Gate: in this one all I can hope is that the obnoxious older brother dies first..haha…

    @The Spookies: head in a box!!!!! head in a box!!!!!!!!!! HEAD IN A BOX!!!!!!…and also in this trailer I didn’t like how the alien character type thingy was making so many squishy “flesh sounds”…that part made me cringe….

    @Braindead: wow, the slow degeneration of the entire population in that one seriously freaked me out, as did those nasty mutant babies (and if they’re the ones that were in the blender, I don’t mind…lol)

    @Sentinel: holy shit, that was one of the best scary-movie trailers I’ve seen!!!! I DEFINITELY have to see this movie…

    @freak-o puppets having sex for 20 seconds: …priceless…and lmao…. πŸ˜‰

    AND FINALLY: thank you so much for posting this, it was extremely entertaining! (and horrifying, in more ways than one… πŸ˜‰ )


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