Man Crush


I’m going to throw this out here, not because I feel that I have to but just to make sure there is no confusion. I am a straight male. I am not going to beat this to a pulp and risk painting VeggieMacabe into a “hey I’m not gay” blog because there is nothing in the world wrong with being gay. I just wanted this post to be in the appropriate perspective. Hey, I’m a 90’s guy! Anyway, tonight I am going to name a few of my man crushes. I think this is a funny term that was called to my attention thanks to Pam when she accused me of having a man crush based on my respect for a certain celebrity. So what? So I have a man crush? I am secure in my manly male maleness.

Alton Brown. This guy is to culinary science what Newton is to gravity. I could watch Good Eats for days on end and be better for it. How can this guy possibly know so much about food? He knows the chemical beak-down of a snow pea and some how makes it relevant! Unbelievable! There has never been a time when I turned off Alton from the tube and said, “well that was a waste of time”. Each show has a quirky way about it filled with humor and valuable information like in South America people eat toasted ants instead of popcorn and beets can look edible when talked up proper. Mr. Brown, I am in awe of you sir.

It’s Hal from Malcolm In The Middle! Actually it’s Bryan Cranston and this guy is the funniest dude in the world. In. The. World. World as in Earth. I have seen every episode of Malcolm In The Middle and the only ones I truly love center around Hal. No dude can rock tighty whities like Bry-Guy and no one can wear a body suit with the intention for speed walking. His duality between physical comedy and his dark portrayal of a professor turned meth maker in his latest AMC series leaves no question in his acting ability. One of the greats!

Bear Grylls. I know there was a question about the validity of his show, Man vs Wild, but his resume far out weighs whether he spends an entire night in a snow cave or not. So lets see, he was in the British SAS, the youngest guy to scale Mt. Everest and did so only a year after breaking his back from a bad airborne jump, volunteered to attend a French Foreign Legion bootcamp in AFRICA, and…well…you’ve seen the show. My point is, this guy is a badass in every sense of the word. I have much respect for him, especially for the British Special Air Service (SAS) since I used to work with them in Kosovo. In order to be in that elite team you have to be special. Bear is the man and I’ll go heels with anyone who says otherwise.

I consider Joel McHale somewhat of a hero. Who else keeps the retards of current pop culture in check? No longer can MTV and Tyra Banks get away with the crap they put out. Even the untouchable queen of daytime TV, Oprah gets hers. Oprahs Vagay-jay! And here I thought South Park were the only ones with all the balls. Joel’s snarkiness is a great conduit to rip on all the ridiculous crap we as views have to endure. Thank you Joel.

Still have mad respect for young Jame Hetfield. This picture embodies the changing face of metal and the brain behind “Kill ’em All”, “Puppets” and “Ride The Lightning”. He was an absolute genius and a model for all front-men from then on. I truly believe young James Hetfield was one of the greatest artists ever to bless rock.

Old Hetfield, no thanks. I am so tired of the whiny disposition that Metallica portrays. Between him and Urlich talking at length about how hard it is to do what you love all the time. How it sucks to be on the road and being a dad is the center of all life. Yeah, we get. So retire already before you put out a Kidz Bop album. God I wish I didn’t see Some Kind Of Monster! There is a reason why Bruce Dickinson and Lemey don’t do shit that that. Ugh!

Thomas Jane did a bang up job as The Punisher, didn’t he? He did many of his own stunts and trained with Navy SEALs just to get in the appropriate shape that reflects what Frank Castle would look like out of the comic book. That dedication is admirable. I have been killing myself in the gym for the past few years and the Thomas Jane look is what I’m going for but….apparently he doesn’t eat Dijorno pizza and beer. What are you going to do?

So that is my list of “man crushes”. See? You can be straight as an arrow and feel perfectly confident it is ok to say you have a man crush. It’s more like the “guy’s guy” or the “man’s man”. I’m going to stop here before I embarrass myself any further. If you need me I’ll be doing curls while watching Nascar and burping.

21 Comments

  1. Here here to the young James Hetfiled…swing by thisbuddyofmine.com

  2. And scratching. Don’t forget scratching.

    Just don’t linger…

  3. I too love Bryan Cranston. He’s was great in Seinfeld also.

  4. Oh, and King of Queens too.

  5. For what it’s worth I too share your man-love of Alton Brown. The man can read the phone book for half an hour and I’d still watch it!

  6. Joel McHale was a drama TA of mine in college. As an actor, he’s truly dedicated, and extremely tallented. As a person, he’s the bees knees, the cat’s meow, cream of the crop…need I go on? He’s the coolest, funniest, most normal celebrity I can ever say that I “knew” once upon a time. Go figure.

  7. Oh, and Thomas Jane? H-H-H-H-H-O-T! I’m there with ya, man: I’d do ‘im. Hey, I’m just sayin’….

  8. Joel McHale, Bryan Cranston, James Hetfield. Yes, yes, yes. It’s not weird or disturbing that we have crushes on the same guys. Nope, not weird at all.

    I have to go stand over there, now.

  9. How… uhm … ODD that we share the same crush…
    in Bear Grylls.
    I wub that man…

  10. Love Alton Brown. Very glad that i’m not alone…

  11. My BF has a massive man-crush on Alton Brown. He’s got all the Good Eats episodes on his computer and we watch them ALL THE TIME.

    I also love Bryan Cranston. Talk about a man who goes completely all out for his craft.

    I would LOVE to hear Metallica do Kidz Bop. Anyone else think that would be a hoot?

  12. Nothing wrong -or gay- with admitting a man crush; in fact it shows how comfortable you are in your own idea of who you are….

    I share it for Bear Grylls. If I ever get stuck somewhere I hope he is there to find vitamins, build shelters and kills animals with his bear hands…..HA!

    I also have man crushes for Simon Pegg, Eddie Vedder and Damian Lewis; probably more but I’d have to think about it…that then would make me gay….at least just a bit 🙂

  13. […] by Billy’s recent post…. Explore posts in the same categories: […]

  14. Oh wow! I feel pretty spiffy, I have met not one but THREE of your man crushes. No fooling!

    Up next on the wishlist, Bear. That is one of my favorite pictures of him, it’s so nonchalant: “Oh, am I not wearing a shirt? I didn’t even notice!”

  15. I am finally getting to this 🙂

    I have the DVR set to automatically DVR the Soup every week. About two months ago I sat down with my best friend Harry to watch it, and it was kind of awkward. You have to watch that show every week to get it you know? I used to watch best week ever when it was new because I liked it, but I like the Soup better. I think best week ever is nastier with it’s jokes. I don’t think I can explain what I mean by that. I think it’s just a different demographic as far as it’s jokes.

    Oh yes, Bryan is quite talented. I have never seen the new show he is on but he is quite funny in everything I have seen him in. With that kind of guy all you can do is just to step back and let him do his thing.

    I watch Man vs. Wild every so often but not on a regular basis. IMO once you see him in the snow, then in the blistering heat you have seen them all. I think he deserves props for eating those bugs and raw meat though. If he goes to a hotel right after wards, I don’t care. He earned it by grossing all of us out. I can totally see you conquering a mountain by his side. Saying, “Hey buddy! Do you want a protein bar buddy? Do you want some trail mix? I got the kind with the m&m’s in it and I picked all the blue ones out like how you told me to! Also I got the canned soup like you wanted! So buddy, can I have some too? I mean not to be picky or nuthin’ but I really don’t want to eat bugs while you watch like before… You don’t need ALL of those cans of soup that I brought…”

    Alton Brown. Oh yes I have the DVR set to record him too. I have a bit of a build up of him I need to have a Good Eats Feasting the Waves marathon this week to get rid of them. But anyway every time he makes one of his wacky contraptions I think, “Oh Alton, your such a geek. But that is why we love you.” There is a great clip of him on youtube of him on Letterman. I suggest you look it up. Letterman so wasn’t amused by Alton’s wackiness lol.

  16. I have never been able to watch The Soup b/c I always thought Joel was obnoxious. But lastnight I was flipping through the channels and it was on. Instead of bypassing it like usual, I thought “no, I’m going to watch this for just a few min. b/c Billy thinks it’s funny.” So I did. And it was. And I really had to laugh b/c he made fun of Tyra Banks which was one of the people you pointed out that he would.

  17. i love the soup, it is so much better than it’s ever been. but you do have to keep up to know what he’s talking about.

    i dont not like alton brown, i’m just not always in the mood for him. if there was an ab channel, my husband would have it on all the time. i try.

    bryan cranston is the best. he won an emmy this year for his new show, which i’ve never seen. but he made malcolm the show it was. the one where he disco rollerskated is my favorite ever.

  18. Alton is a friggin’ genius! Who else can make the process of curing olives so compelling?
    This post convinced me to confess my totally heterosexual girl crush on Sarah Silverman. I wanna be her.

    I know way too much about her vajay-jay. She still is pretty funny. Especially about Matt Damon

  19. oh ya! I have totall chick crushes…
    Sarah Silverman is one of them!
    And Jamie Pressly…. and Milla Jovovich.

    Oo…an inspired Blog Post, perhaps?

  20. I’m totally with you on the Bear Grylls love, dude.

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