I Wish…


  • That Monday night’s NBC line up was still Alf at 8:00 followed by Amazing Stories.
  • That I could still pick prizes out of the treasure chest in the dentist’s office.
  • My Honda wasn’t referred to as a mini van last week. It’s an Element fuck-o.
  • I could stop dropping my phone. It only has a few drops left in it.
  • I could run like I did when I was 7 rather than this frothing, gasping run I do now.
  • They would have changed the name asthma to something without the word “ass” in it. I had it when I was a kid and always felt a little embarrassed by that.
  • That there was something other than golf we could do for meetings. I am all about bumped boats or flip cup.
  • They would make a Jaws 5. One that makes up for 3 and 4.
  • I was in a huge field with one of these.
  • imagesThat I lived in a state that had people who could spell salad correctly.
  • IMG_0678I could eat my weight in Thai food and be better for it. And smarter.
  • I was spending Father’s Day with my Dad.
  • I had more time to read books.
  • I didn’t tear up during the movie, UP. There is no way that a 31 year old male can live that down. My “allergy” didn’t fool anyone.
  • Beer gave me the super power of flight.

That’s all.

31 Comments

  1. Love it. My human says to tuck a copy of this post away and read it at sixty-two (he’s more ancient than that) and you’ll really get laugh. Visit me at http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

    • You type exceptionally well for a golden retriever!

  2. The two late-twenties men that I went to see UP with both cried, as did the mid-thirties couple next to us. I think you probably don’t have a heart if you don’t cry at that movie.

    Also? If you ask nicely, even as a grownup, you can get a sticker at the dentist. I’ll bet they’d even give you a toy if you asked REALLY nicely.

    • I’m glad I wasn’t alone. I didn’t think it would be so sad so quick. And that stupid adventure book really got me.

  3. I can relate to all of these…except maybe 3, 6, 7 and 9. Ok maybe only 3/4 of these.

    Oh, and the second last one, I never saw that one. But If it makes you feel better, I cried during the movie “17 Again”. At first I was crying because I was actually forced to see it, then it was because my old crush Matthew Perry looked like total ass.

    But then, near the end, I felt something wet running down my face, and I suddenly realized I was tearing up because I could actually feel Zac Efron’s pain.

    I can’t believe I just admitted that. I understand if you choose to block me from posting future comments on your wall.

    • I could never block someone like you. πŸ˜‰

  4. Why did I not cry during UP? It seems I am the only one.

    My guess is that if you asked the dentist nicely, they’d let you have a prize. πŸ™‚

    • you didn’t? Hrm, I don’t know?

      I’ll try it an my next visit in November.

  5. Man I love it when I check and you’ve posted. Makes my day!

    When I was little there would always be a Monday night brawl between me and my brother because ALF was on- which I wanted to see- at the same time as MacGyver- which he wanted to see. Talk about FURY.

    And all of the UP reviews really have me worried. I cry enough at movies as it is. If this is making grown men cry, too, I’m not sure how I will be able to handle it. Luckily its not out here yet so I have time to prep myself.

    • it makes your day? Really? πŸ™‚

      That’s a tough one. ALF or MacGyver. Oh boy, I don’t know….

  6. If it makes you feel better, I don’t know anyone who didn’t tear up during Up. πŸ™‚

    You’re not alone my friend!

  7. Why can’t you spend Father’s Day with your dad? Too far of a drive?

    I hope your Hooters shirt matched your “goofy pants”.

    • It’s only about 3500 miles. A little too much of a hike for the weekend. Sucks!

      Hooters. Just how I remembered it.

  8. What’s wrong with a 31 year-old single man driving a mini-van? I bet single moms think that’s sexy.

    • Maybe I should have a Avon sticker on my window.

  9. I share many of these wishes. I did cry at Up and I actually run better now than I did at 7.

    • I remember running so carefree when I was younger. I need that energy back.

  10. My 27-year-old husband cried right along with me when we watched Up. Crying at movies is manly.

    • You think so? I’m glad you think that.

  11. Crying at movies is manly – I agree! And a little hott! Chicks dig sensitivity. I hear you about asthma – my thing is Lisp. Who the hell thought it would be funny to name it that? It is impossible to say it without sounding like you have one! So UP was good, I take it? I can’t wait to see it. Oh, btw, I teared up in Terminator. I know I am a chick, but Terminator? Really? Really.

    • Terminator? The new one or the original? That was sad when Reece bought the farm.

  12. we had hooters saturday night. I’m not a wings person so I had their crab legs.
    But they didn’t hit the spot so I tried a wing.

    and discvered there is an apparent etiquette to wing eating. Like…. you’re not supposed to eat the whole wing? just the meat part? And you have to evenly divide drumsticks?

    wo.

    • It is true. I don’t mind thinking about hooters when I am eating chicken.

      Crab would scare me from Hooters. I’m weird about shellfish and imitation crab meat.

  13. Hells bells, if Monday night’s NBC lineup still included Alf I think I’d shoot myself in the foot. Sorry, but I detested that show.

    One day whilst out running my sister and I tried running like we were 7…but it was more of an I-can-run-faster-than-you; I’m -gonna-beat-you! sorta deal. We were both convinced we’d have heart attacks if we ever did it again.

    Thanks for the UP heads-up. I’m so tired of crying in public theaters during children’s flicks…I think I’ll save this for when it comes out on DVD.

    • 2lazydogs, that’s why I haven’t seen Wall-E yet. I was a hot mess during The Iron Giant, and Wall-E looked similar enough that I decided to wait until I needed a good cry to watch it.

      • crisitunity, I do try to avoid children’s movies at all costs because I’m always a weeping fool…but it’s mighty difficult when I have a 10 yr. old daughter begging to see every advertised movie. When we’re at a theater waiting for a movie to start she always whispers, with a grin, “You’re going to cry, aren’t you?”

      • Mean, mean daughter.

    • Didn’t like ALF? But…wha? I have never heard of anyone not liking ALF. I guess there is a first for everything. πŸ˜‰

      Oh you’ll sob during UP. That’s a promise.

  14. I think the Honda Element kind of looks like Mini Cooper on steroids….

    I think you should create a show that marries Alf WITH McGuyver (though I would definitely pick Amazing Stories over them all…. Was there a story where a plane landed on cartoon wheels??? Cuz that has been haunting me for some time now… Not as much as the New Twilight Zone story about the woman who finds the amulet that stops time during a nuclear holocaust but whatever…)

    MMMMMmmmmmmm…. Thai Food…..

    And, finally, what are these things you call books?????

    • I have seen that one Amazing Story. That is actually on the movie Amazing Stories.

      Books are kind of like that arcade game in Back To The Future 2. “You have to use your hands? That’s a baby’s toy.”


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