Today Veggie Turns Two

It’s true. This blog is now two and oddly enough this is the 200th post. Weird, huh?

I just wanted to thank everyone that has shared this with me. Some have come and gone and some have come and stayed but I will be honest, I never imagined that I would meet such amazing people on this www dot  journey. I am so blessed to be able to share my life and be able to share some of yours even though we may never meet. It’s weird wild world and this trip would be so less without all of you.

The funny thing is I misspelled “macabre” in the video. Of all things, you know? And I am not sure why Dire Straits is the anthem but it seems to fit the flow. Regardless, if you have been around over the past couple of years you may recognize many of these pictures.

Thank you again. I love ya from the bottom of the heart and I ain’t afraid to say it.

Viva Las Vegas And Most Of The West

So, I am back. I probably lost the last couple years of my life but what does that matter? Those are the diaper years anyway. No, this trip was…let’s say…interesting. I’ll recap it for you but not too much. It is my luck the boss will Google Noah Hathaway and find this.

Well, on Saturday the boss came in and asked if I had anything going on this weekend. I should have taken Winston Zeddmore’s advice when he said, “if your boss comes in and asks if you have anything going on this weekend you say YES!”.  I didn’t. I said I had nothing going on and that’s why I am working on the weekend.

That’s how I got roped into driving, literally from Canada to Mexico and back with a hell-ish stay in Vegas in just three days. Here is a time line.

3:00- Left Spokane with the boss in a GMC Denali towing a trailer to pick up a car in Los Angeles.

8:00- Found out my boss won his auction on eBay for a jetski in Sacramento.

4:30am- Met the guy who was selling the Jetski at a McDonalds in Elk Grove and loaded it in under 30 minutes.

7:00- Stopped at a Flying J truckstop so the boss could shower. I brushed my teeth and applied deodorant.

12:30pm- Arrived in LA and met the guy who was selling the car and loaded it on the trailer with the jetski. When I saw it there was definitely a “WTF” moment.It was a shell of a crap car.

2:00- Finally left LA and headed east to Las Vegas. Still no sleep.

6:00- Arrived in Las Vegas and checked into the Casino/hotel.

6:05- Agreed that we would eat dinner, have a couple of beers and maybe play a quick game of black jack and call it a night.

6:45- Boss has two drinks in him and decides that Vegas needs to be blown out and proceeds to drink heavy.

8:00- I am in search of the ultimate Chinese food and the boss is with two girls and telling them about his two cabins and many cars.

11:ish- Get a frantic call from the boss telling me to come to the lobby.

11:ish- Get to the lobby and found him sitting between two security bike cops. Got arrested for having sex in the parkinglot. Gives me his wallet and I bail him out.

2:20- Made bail and I went back to the room.

3:00-7:00- Boss went back to the casino. He won $10,000 in less than two hours, took a prostitute back to the room and had sex with her while I was asleep.

8:00-11:30- Just hung around the hotel until the boss woke up.

11:45- Boss realized the prostitute stole $5,000 while we were asleep.

11:45 and 10 seconds later- I excused myself and ran outside to laugh my ass off.

12:30-1:30- Waited in the car for the boss to buy a new iPhone because she took that too. He thinks…

2:00- On the road and I drove the whole way back while he slept.

2:00am- Swear I saw a unicorn and Orville Redenbacher.

10:00am- Pulled into the office parking lot. I passed out on my desk and miracled my way home to bed.

That’s exactly how it went. Pretty epic but I am grateful to see some beautiful country. Just wish the company was better.

This past weekend I ran a 30k X-Terra relay in Walla Walla, Washington in 100 degree heat. Still not back to normal from that one. More on that later.

Road Trip

Well, I went into the office this morning. I know..it’s Saturday but I had a good reason. Anyway, the boss came in and asked if I could go with him on a road trip to LA and an overnight in Vegas to pick up a hot rod car shell he collects. And I said sure.

So, I hope to make it back alive but expect great blog worth material on the 30+ hour car trip. I gotta go take my protien pills and put my helmet on. See ya in a few days and expect some better blog stuff.

Ode To The Elementary School Art Ashtray

This post may be a little dated to some readers but to many of us we have fond memories of the lovely clay art projects in elementary school circa 1980. It was a different time and what flew then would sure to crash hard today. I kind of miss that naivate’. Simple.

Around the beginning of December the art teacher’s project for the kids was always geared toward Christmas presents for the folks. I am not sure if they do that now with the whole “Christmas is offensive” campaign that seems to exponentially increase each year. But back in my day, parents always knew their tax dollars would yield intelligent kids and some sort of ornament each Christmas. The real bonus would be a clay thing. I say clay thing because many parents got just that; a thing.

Ball Art Room

I remember these projects would always give me delusions of grandeur and at the end of it I would be the envy of every kid as I brought home the most beautiful clay thing my parents had ever seen. Of course being a no talent ass clown grounded me within the first few minutes of art class. Clay was not the medium for me.

modelingclay-main_FullI really can’t remember how long this project lasted but I believe it was a couple of weeks. Each day we would retrieve our work in progress that was wrapped in cheese cloth from the fridge and start on destroying what we had done the previous day. There were not many guidelines for what the final product would be. If you had an artistic inkling then perhaps the folks would receive a pot for a plant or a nice plate with a hand print in it. If you were like me and struggled to form any sort of shape they got an ashtray.

pottery1It was a cool time when a kid could express his or her love through artistic expression resulting in a carcinogenic ash receptacle. There is no way that shit would fly today. Under that dump-in-a-jar plan for zero tolerance I am sure a kid who made an ashtray would be suspended and child services would be called ensuring a debate on Foxnews’ Kelley’s Court. (That woman sucks) No, kids don’t make them like they used to.

Well, the process would draw to a close soon enough. Once the shape was made it would bake. Then you painted it and glazed it and that usually sealed the deal for me. It wasn’t just shit but colored shit after that. But by that time I was just happy to be done with it. Of course the teacher had to grade it. No matter what I got the elementary equivalent of a B which was VG for “very good”.

img_1773Don’t be fooled, the picture above was not done by me. Actually this one is pretty fucking good. It is far less bumpy and minus the fingerprints. The only way to to tell the difference between my ashtray and petrified orangutan shit was the fact it had a convenient dent in the middle; perfect for putting out a cowboy killer.

On Christmas morning I would give them the ashtray with a little trepidation because even a little kid knows the difference between art and deification. But my parents always looked at it as if I gave them gold. Today I really look back at that and know how much they love me. They didn’t even smoke.

A few years ago I found my ashtray. It was in the table top Nativity set and baby Jesus was sleeping in it. I kid you not. But don’t tell him, he doesn’t need to know it’s an ashtray.

I Need A List

Of pure joy and happiness. Let’s see….

  • New shoe smell
  • Season one through five of the Simpson’s.
  • Drinking Perrier outside after a long, hard run.
  • Chinese food at midnight
  • Connecting with people even though you have never met them in person
  • Noticing Malcolm In The Middle is now on Nick@Nite.
  • Moving the fuck off this goshdarn mountain.
  • IMG_0707Priorities and where they are.
  • Being read to sleep. Still love it.
  • Playing Cat Stevens on guitar and singing in private. In private.
  • Finding out by our fire engine has a touch of Optimus Prime in it.

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  • Throwing down a business card and saying “no…you call me”. I’m kidding. Or am I? No, I am. Maybe.
  • A few of my favorite things.
  • Finally having a clean car because I am moving off this fucking mountain!
  • Reading Calvin and Hobbes at age 31.

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  • Living in a town of higher learning. (I’m a liberal guy at heart)
  • Coming to the resolution that I can not count down the days of my life but rather appreciate the one I’m on. No more working for the weekend.
  • Organic almonds. I swear they taste 10x better. Maybe it’s the organic spray?
  • Finding the perfect coffee shop with free WiFi. Fuck Starbucks. Fuck…Starbucks.
  • This dog

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  • Went running the other day and spotted two girls taking my picture with their cellphones. That’s a little creepy but come on, how can one not like that?
  • College town art in small businesses.
  • Door knockers. Just dig ’em. It’s a lost art that I really want to bring back.

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