Not On Target For Halloween


Let me begin this post just clarifying that I like Target. In fact, I might just love it. I am not afraid to admit that because where else can you go to get bananas, a shirt and a bookshelf all free from the creeps Walmart brings. I am not saying that I am too good for an occasional Walmart visit but man, I have seen shit there that will turn you white.

Another gold star for Target is their holiday selection especially around Halloween time. But this year they seem to be taking their sweet ass time in displaying the usual goods. If you are anything like me, I want what I want when I want it. And after August, I want to see skulls and orange colored frilly things. But up until now they just kept their “back to school” items out and for a 31 year old going on 11, that makes me want to peel my own cap. Look at my “secret photo” at the work in progress from yesterday.

targetSorry for the quality. I was pretending to dial a number behind my head. Actually, I am just not that slick of a person but at least we can sort of make out the lack of decor and that something is on sale for $5.29.

target2It looks like Target is sticking with their Halloween mascot Domo, the internet phenomenon that has been pictured chasing kittens in an attempt to kill and eat them. I am actually being serious about that and as a new kitten owner, I don’t like Domo. Apparently the concept has spread to other monsters too. Who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a shit? This guy!

target3I think the instructions read “Remove safety clip from spoon, twist and pull pin, release spoon and throw hard”. Actually those are instructions on how to properly deploy a live hand grenade but man, that would come in handy in this aisle. I stood there reminiscing the days when Target really did Halloween right. Now we are left with a different kind of scary.

jonesRecognize these? If you love novelty Jones soda as much as I do then the correct answer is yes because they are the exact same as last year. Poop in pants! That completely sucks and how uncreative is Jones Soda Co for not at least renaming them or putting out new cans?! Every year one of the anticipations is what Jones Soda is going to come up with. This year just kind of craps. But I will review them anyway. 😉 It just will not be done as well as DJ D.  Just can’t be.

I think I have bitched enough. Tonight I will go back since I am staying with a friend in Spokane and I have access to one. If I am still disappointed I will bring it up with management to confirm that they don’t care and add to those who think I am joke worthy when I leave.

Okay, maybe that is pretty cute.

10 Comments

  1. I have to admit I have yet to try the Jones Halloween sodas. I do have a target just down the street though and payday is coming up so maybe I’ll head down that way come Friday and see what I can score.

    • I am reviewing Jones today with vodka!

  2. You are the funniest AND slickest guy ever…the “secret photo” you took while pretending to dial a number behind your head has inspired me. If anyone can pull the wool over those Target employees eyes, it’s you.

    ps. I love Target more than anything. I’ve flown out to the States just for that store alone. Thankfully I’ll soon be able to drive there…which, unfortunately, means it will probably lose it’s appeal.

    It’s the way things work around here.

    • Are you moving or is Target up there?

      • I’m actually moving to Vancouver, and there’s a Target just across the border on the way to Seattle.

        It’s going to cost me a pretty penny for gas, but being able to visit Target every second day to buy the “good” junk food, means it will be worth it!

  3. What’s with the Domo-hate? I’m happy that he’s getting some lovin’ Stateside.

    • Meh, I don’t hate it. I just like a blank Halloween retail without a specific theme. That always makes it more fun. Domo just makes it…I don’t know. Kind of too cutesy. I like death skulls and slime for Halloween.

  4. I was disappointed at Target last weekend too, those turds need to get on it. Goodwill, on the other hand, was full of used halloween wonder. And 100% decorated like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, which was weird in a fun way.

    • Finally, Target has something! Better visit review with a soda view coming.

  5. Target is nice and I don’t get to go there much. Last year I went to stock up on Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash because they don’t sell it where I live. The Target closest to me is about a 35 min drive in the Tri Cities area and we don’t go there on a regular basis. All we need is here, minus a Target. I don’t think we ever would have one because there is a Super Walmart right in the middle of town. When I was in middle school the area of Portland I grew up in opened up a Safeway Target shopping center w/ a bunch of active senior apartments. I want to live there someday. They are very expensive (especially since you don’t get included meals and other benefits from a retirement home) but they seem worth it because you are an elevator’s trip away from going to party city, Target, Safeway, Great Clips, a mail supply store, etc.

    That commercial reminded me of the awesome Halloween commercial Value Village used to play for years. They don’t play it anymore 😦 It had a jingle and Frankenstein and other classic monsters would dance at a Halloween party. It was cheesy but it made it feel like Fall growing up.


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