Just Call Me Sally


So get this. My Dad was playing golf over the weekend in Southern New Jersey when he hit a poor tee shot out into the wood-line where the grass was knee-high. While searching for his Nike ball he felt a sharp pain on his ankle which he immediately brushed off as a bee sting. Jump 24 hours ahead and his ankle is swollen to the size of a baseball and with much convincing from Mom, he decides to go to the doctor. What did the doctor tell him? He told Dad that in fact he was not stung by a bee but rather a poisonous copperhead snake.  What?

So, the doctor gave him meds, pain management drugs and hopefully a tetanus shot for good measure. But this begs the question, who gets bit by a snake and brushes it off as an insect bite/sting and has to be coerced into going to see a doctor? Well, the toughest dude I know, my Dad.  Sadly I am not near the man as my, well, old man is. Case in point.

I walked home from a goodbye party for a dear friend of one of my best friends. Was that confusing? Well, they are great friends of mine too but it is a far bigger impact on her since she has known them from the first time they started grad school. Living in a college town, it is inevitable that people do graduate and leave the nest. So where was I….oh yeah! I walked home very late and the mood was perfectly set: lightning storm, no one around on what normally is a very busy street, blowing wind and a slightly tipsy dude whistling “Love Will Keep Us Together”. And then I stumbled upon this.

 

Now keep in mind it was 2am, I had a few drinks and the over all ambiance was a tad unsettling so when I saw this I did stop and stare for a solid minute. It wasn’t a parking meter because it was on the side-walk and it was standing under the bus stop. But I am rational. Of course it couldn’t be this…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right? Because at that moment my 33 years on this Earth full of rational thought, this is where my mind went. So I walked closer, still not seeing exactly what this 3 and a half-foot figure was, standing on the side-walk at 2am in a thunder and lightning storm across from a convenience store appropriately name the “Murder Mart”. I am not making that up at all.

Still not entirely convincing even after my loud coughs and throat clearing that this was just a thing and not a thing. Looking at the photos now that it is sunny and I am sober, one can see that this isn’t paranormal but rather just some statue or object wrapped in plastic. But last night I wasn’t completely sure and cautiously approached, gingerly stepped much like a cat staring down a laser pointer.

I remember when I was in a combat unit over seas and carried a belt-fed machine gun and live hand grenades. Good to know that guy is still around. *eye roll*

So…a chuckle ensued as I finally was close enough to see that this wasn’t a 3 foot devil or menacing midget from a black mass party. No. It was just a credit card pay-meter that are being installed all over Chapel Hill. I know I lost cool points for this but ask yourself this, looking at the first picture, can you perhaps see where I was coming from? Ok. I know.

I need to lay off the scary movies for a minute. Sheesh.

20 Comments

  1. that video scared me the heck out. haha.

    • Ashley, it did the same thing to me too. I usually don’t dumb down the site for jump scares but that is what was going through my mind at that moment last night. 😉
      Tomorrow I will talk about how TAU is much better than Pi or something more intelligent. Thanks for cruising by!

  2. From far away that thing looks like some horrible creature just waiting for you…and you know that if you crossed the street it would some-how appear on the other side just as you mounted the curb across the street…you may decide being in the center of the road is the safe place at that point, but no, you reach the center line and it is waiting up the road on the center line as well…only now it is somehow closer to you…

    • it’s the credit card reader from HELL…and it only takes Discover

      • HAHAHAHA! Figures it would only take Discover…The only reason that company is still around is the CEO’s always sell their souls to satan.

  3. It pays to discover………just how much your soul is worth!

  4. Nice video. I have to share that one!

    • Thanks man. I always fall for these.

  5. Thoroughly enjoyable, keep it up

    • A little embarrassing but at least we can laugh, er, I can laugh at myself now.

      • Something, of which I must admit, I have way too much experience in. Unfortunately it’s a position rarely preceded by a clever remark or well delivered witty banter, and instead more often than not due to my caveman monkey brain and it’s inability to think before I speak or act. States of intoxication do not help, although they do assist in the process of not giving a fuck.

  6. That video really got me. I knew was fear of ballerinas was well-founded.

    • Pray there are no recitals in your near future.

  7. Holy cow, your dad is hardcore! And I enjoyed your story, but I am going to have to pass on the video…as it’s bedtime and I’m prone to nightmares anyway. I’m still having nightmares about the chum scene from Jaws. *shiver*

    • Yeah, Dad is a tough guy. And a bit stubborn.

      Jaws will always go down as the movie that effected me the most. ie. invisible swimming pool shark phobias.

  8. So I definitely just shit my pants watching that video. I had a feeling something was going to happen (duh) but I still totally filled my shorts. Also, I had to pull up that picture of the card meter in its own window and blow it up before I was convinced that it wasn’t the Ring chick. You’ve got balls for checking that out. I mean, you’re a dude, so obviously you have balls, but you know what I mean.

    • I am glad I helped you to fill your shorts. And this is why we blog. 😉
      You’re site is hilarious. New fan.

  9. This is the best blog post I’ve read in forever. I would have had precisely that same reaction to the plastic wrapped horror on the sidewalk. Tell me more about this Murder Mart – it sounds like my kind of shopping experience.

    • Aw thanks Rev! You’re blog far exceeds mine. I never can keep it up. 😦

      Murder Mart was a seen where a guy was shot several times and then had his head run over by the shooter. In the daytime. And it always attracts people that look like they could do it again.

  10. […] WTF is that?!?!?! Well, that’s embarrassing. […]


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