8 Deceased Cereals Immortalized

There is something to be said for being a child or the eighties and nineties. I know that has been stated to oblivion on blogs much like this one, but it’s true. It’s as if all the designers of toys, makers of snacks, writers of cartoons completely understood what a kid thought and what was conducive for the young palate. Before the modern concern of childhood obesity and over bearing parents forcing Ronald McDonald to shoot the Fry-Guys and take up marathon running, we had it pretty good. And there is no better example than what we had for breakfast every morning.

I scoured Amazon and eBay looking for forgotten cereals for this post but paying $89 for an empty box of Dinersaurs would make me look ridiculous and this post would be short. One reason being, I have never tried Dinersaurs. That makes me incredibly sad admitting that. So, I opted to collect refrigerator magnets immortalizing the boxes of the eight most memorable cereals of the eighties and nineties to me. Let the stupidity begin!

Kellogg’s OJ’s cereal had a prominent spot in the pantry for a short time back in elementary school. Boasting to have the same vitamin C amount as a really small glass of orange juice and “ready-sweetened” goodness, it was tough for a hypochondriac mother to pass up. This was back in the stage when mom was convinced I had an allergy to my own hair and the sky so any little nutritional help was welcomed. I, myself, thought the orange-wrangling cowboy was great so the fact that I didn’t have to drink a glass of orange juice AND eat my cereal was kinda lost on me.

Looking back on this it seems pretty gross to think of orange and milk. Sure there is fruit flavored cereal like Trix and Fruit Loops, but this was a single fruit. It was like having a lemon cereal. It all seemed a bit wrong. But there are a dedicated few (566 to be exact) that have signed an ongoing online petition for the return of this 30-year-old cereal. I signed it too because I can’t pass on an opportunity to resurrect 1985 gold.

And what the Hell is a Starbot? I need one and that sucks because I never will have one.

Donkey Kong cereal is one of the novelty cereals that if taken out of the box and tossed into a Cap’n Crunch box, none would be the wiser if you convinced the person eating that it’s a new large-size Cap’n Crunch. It’s the same sweetened corn cereal that was in the shape of barrels that Kong would toss at Mario (known then as “Jumpman”) hoping to kill him. Kill him dead. If I was left to control Mario’s fate it would happen often. I suck at that game.

This cereal is actually before my time even though I have a vague memory of the box in or house. I think it was a diversion snack during church so I wouldn’t make X-Wing engine sounds during the homily. I really wish I could cut my gums on some huge barrels again.

Back photo from X-Entertainment.com Click the photo to go there.

Ever want to eat a bowl full of really sweetened corn and oat T’s? Is that a question no one has asked you before? Well, you want to. Back in the early eighties the A-Team was a hit on Saturday nights and out of that hit spawned a spinoff cartoon from one of the most iconic characters of that era; Mr.T. I can’t remember the cartoon very well other than it was like Captain Planet but instead of a blue guy we had Mr.T leading a pack of do-gooding teens to stop crime. These sort of things passed back then and we ate them up, both figuratively and literally.

I wrote the entire paragraph just for that sentence. I need to write more.

I ate this cereal often because my Dad loved the character Clubber Lang and had no idea who Mr. T was. He thought the character in Rocky 3 inspired a cartoon and a cereal. Man, what a world my Dad lives in. Did he even pay attention while watching Rocky?

Another X-Entertainment backdrop. Click for the actual article.

Nerds!  Woohoo boy I have some history with Nerds Cereal. This exact flavor combo to be exact. Way back in the mid-eighties Nerds candy came to rule roost of the school yard. They were the tangy little fruit flavored clusters that came in two flavors separated by a barrier in the box. Back in the day these boxes were pretty large and were the choice to sneak-eat in class. It was a common practice to share these unless the one asshole who was my friend put his mouth on the box and gummed up the opening. He was also the guy who farted in morning homeroom and tried to cough his way out of it. The teacher said he was in need of a breath mint. But I digress.

It wasn’t long before Ralston saw a goldmine in the cereal world for the first two flavored cereal that was separated in the same box. That sounded less complex when I say it aloud. Thus, Nerds Cereal was born and even though I tried and tried to like it, it tasted like total dog shit.

My elementary school pal, Nicky, was the kid who legitimately was allergic to everything. He had a wheat allergy and couldn’t eat much of anything. I didn’t really think of it at the time but during a sleep over I brought out this magnificent box to show off the new breakfast fad and he just could no longer take it. He had to try it and like a good friend, I set him up with a big bowl of death. In what seemed minutes he puked up the strawberry/grape combo on our porch and stained it red. I am not kidding you, Dad hosed it and scrubbed it and finally went to Ace Hardware to by paint and repainted the spot. The cereal was never seen again.

Nintendo Cereal System came along a bit late in comparison to the birth of the actual Nintendo gaming system. But really, I don’t think the Nintendo culture was at its peak until 1988 so then it was right on time! I forget, to be honest. I do remember the bags being separate and the flavor choices were “Fruity” and “Berry”. Both pretty similar. The best part of this cereal was the shapes. Very identifiable except for the main characters.

Um…nooooo. But I can’t rail on the people who made the cereal. They came as close as they could and to by honest, no kid ever bought this cereal based on likeness. It was a culture necessity and I was no different. I ate this cereal to be cool. I ate it in purple and pink Jams with a yellow Body Glove t-shirt while watching Maya the Bee. Cool, man.

If there ever was a king among cereals, it always has to go to the wacky Cap’n Crunch. I may not have been a big fan of the original and even though Crunch Berries almost swayed me closer, the deciding factor for my heart and soul always lies in Halloween Crunch. I know this is relatively new in comparison to the other extinct cereal and I also know this one isn’t necessarily deceased either, I couldn’t leave it out. A Halloween themed anything gets a hug from me.

This is what I am talking about. WWF Superstars cereal from 1991. I was a huge Wrestlemania fan much to the constant taunting of my peers and family but I didn’t care. I was an avid Ultimate Warrior fan who used to secretly put on my “sticks of thunder” arms and walk around my room ranting about the Gods preconceived victory over Hulk Hogan as I then body slam my imaginary foe in to the floor. I think we all did this as young fans. And that’s why I had to eat the cereal.

There really isn’t much to brag about other than the sharp star shapes and it boasted to have 9 vitamins instead of the normal 8 of other corn and grain cereals. I ate this often even though I never let anyone know about it. At that time, Michael Keaton as Batman was a much more popular choice among the populous when it came to corn pop cereal.

Keeping to the fart convo from before, I totally forgot about the Kathy Lee and Regis interview with the Ultimate Warrior when he covers his farting by destroying the studio. I promise this fart theme will stop now. Turn up the volume and set your brain on low. It’s kinda funny.

Getting to the best tasting but absolute worst for you cereal of the bunch we land on another video game themed breakfast…cereal. Pac-Man ruled the arcade for years and branched to a brand name that is still around today. Like Lucky Charms, this cereal was a no-go in the Webster family home. But it didn’t mean it was off my diet entirely. I had my friends.

In the eighties it was still acceptable to have crushed lollipops mixed in the bag of cereals and look at the FDA with a straight face and boast to be apart of the daily nutritional value that a growing youth needed. It was a great time to be alive and I weep for the kids of today and their nanny state removing cartoon and TV themes from the breakfast table. They have no idea what they are missing.

You get the fuck out of here, Cabbage Patch Kids and your creepy potted smiling cereal bits!!! We don’t know you and nobody likes you. Be terrible somewhere else!!!

Touched By the Ethereal Plane

Life is what you make of it and sometimes you just have to jump at certain chances. This weekend was one of those chances and I could not say no. You’ll see why.

This past weekend I got to hangout with the crew of the show Paranormal State for an investigation at the renown Sorrel-Weed house down in Savannah, Georgia. That alone was a pretty cool thing to do but what happened later into the investigation, I will never forget. It is definitely something that will stay with me for life. Probably should not have power lunged in a provoking nature.

I think every haunted house that is a tourist attraction in Savannah or Charleston seems to have the same premiss; blah blah civil war hospital blah blah slave house blah blah distressed widow’s suicide…and on and on. I guess that all makes for pretty good stories but no matter how many times I visit, I never really get “spooked”. True, a number of years ago I did have an experience in Savannah but so much time has passed, the thrill is gone. I honestly can’t even remember the specifics. This time was different. This time I caught proof. I think.

Before I get into the investigation part I must say Elfie, Serge and Ryan are absolute delights. They are awesome people who truly take their passion to a high level of professionalism in this field. These are not the people who turn a blind eye to very much and it’s very refreshing to see how they rule out all possibilities before turning to the supernatural for an explanation.

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So, I could go on and on about hanging out with the chaps of Paranormal State but I am really wanting to get to the down right creepy. After a tour of a cemetery and a nice dinner downtown it was time to get locked in the Sorrel-Weed house with these guys and try to get spooked. To be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to being locked in an old house from midnight to 3am especially with beach and beer just a short drive away. But I committed to doing this and I had to ask myself when would a person get to do this in present company? Not often.

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Inside we gathered and got a little history of the place but I was more drawn to the Robert E Lee painting. It was gigantic and probably priceless. Actually, I just wanted to see if his eyes followed me like an old Scooby Doo cartoon. He didn’t.

Soon we turned off all the lights and broke into groups. It doesn’t matter what you believe, when you can’t see in front of your face, the mind will play tricks on you. Every sound is amplified and every slight movement can be exaggerated. It’s hard to stay focused when you can’t get the movie Poltergeist out of your head.

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We broke into two groups and Serge led us down to the basement. I didn’t think of it but before you start shooting photos with blinding flashes it’s important to say “flash”. I had to apologize…a lot. All these pictures from here on were taken in total darkness. That’s important to keep in mind especially with a certain few that no one can explain.

Of course if you have read any of my older posts about being in notably “haunted” areas, I always break into a power lunge. I can’t explain why but it is a tradition and when dealing with the paranormal and superstition, it’s best not to break tradition. This may have been a maneuver that did not go over well with the permanent residences.

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What followed next, I will say, surprised me. We sat in a small group for a while down in the basement and listened to Serge talk about techniques and reasons for certain team practices. It was pretty neat but I didn’t feel out-of-place or spooked in the least. It was just a house that smelled like mildew.

Then Serge asked if I would feel comfortable sitting in the next room alone while the group left. I agreed to do that. Like I said, I wasn’t feeling weirded out or nervous so sitting in a closed room in the dark wasn’t a problem. Until…

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The first picture is a bit blurry but you can see most of the room from this angle. I was sitting on an old couch and to the right was a chimney with another empty room separated by two back sheets. On the left was another black sheet separating a small storage closet. I didn’t really know what to do because the silence was deafening, you couldn’t see a thing and I knew there was a camera with a voice recorder actively recording so for the first few minutes all I did was sit in silence. After awhile, though, I began to talk and snap pictures feeling just a tad silly. That’s when something started to happen.

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After I posed a question about our mortality and what it is like to be dead (stupid stupid question!) something rushed from the left side of me to the right, sat on the arm of the couch and it felt like an index finger and thumb squeezed my ear. It was so fast and so violent I jumped up and before I knew it I was out the door in a cold sweat. The team rushed to me and I couldn’t even explain but they saw my reaction from the cameras and knew something was happening.

The next two photos are what I captured right before I experienced…whatever that was. I didn’t see them until the next morning and it was both thrilling and unnerving. It sucks I didn’t think to look at them until then but I was so spun up I couldn’t think.

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I looked at this for hours completely dumbfounded. I must have taken thirty pictures in a totally darkened bathroom trying to recreate this photo doing everything from putting my fingers over the lens to blocking the flash. It always comes out reddish or skin toned. Also I was sitting on the couch taking pictures holding the camera at a half an arm’s length away from my body. It is impossible to get a shadow unless the flash is behind me. It’s a dark shadow that moved so fast and fucking touched me. That’s all I can possibly believe. And it’s more than a coincidence after asking such a stupid question.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur. We did EVP sessions and I took more photos but after that happened, I was a little spooked and ready to be in a hotel bed.

I will write more on this after I go through all photos and video but I needed to post this. It was a great time but I think for paranormal hunting, I will leave it to the pros and safely watch it on TV. Like right now!

See? Every time I turn the tube on Paranormal State is on! I am happy to watch it from a far.

I know there are plenty of skeptics that laugh at this and can come up with hundreds of reasons for these photos. They are not dust orbs, though. That shit happened. And I look forward to see what’s on the video. But for now, I will be doing this type of investigating.

Beer hunting!

I’ll write more on this later. Check out the Paranormal State reruns on the Bio Channel and A&E. They are a hoot. A big thanks to Elfie, Ryan and Serge. Thanks for not laughing at me when I ran out of the room like I had a rabid squirrel in my pants.

 

Dollar Store Challenge

It’s all downhill from here, folks. I have finally been able to participate in a joint project with the two of the greatest bloggers, writers and just all around good people; Matt from Dinosaur Dracula (former X-Entertainment) and Brian from Review the World. In comparison, I really don’t belong but Matt and Brian were cool enough to let me in on this great idea. I feel kind of like the kid brother who gets to tag along with his older brother and friends for a boat ride. Then a shark shows up and they get stranded on Cable Junction until Dad comes and electrocutes the shark. What? Where was I?

Anyway, we decided on a $5 limit for a shopping spree to the local Dollar Store/Tree/Mart. From there we would bring our findings home and in real-time, post a video reviewing our prized finds. I knew from the beginning that Matt and Brian’s would be spectacular. And they are.

Brian from Review the World! It is absolutely impossible to watch anything that Brian does and not instantly be in a better mood. His attitude and positivity makes this planet that much better to be on. Spend the day watching some of his past adventures. You’ll love ’em.

Matt from Dinosaur Dracula! He’s the star, no doubt. His videos are about the damn funniest eight minutes on the entire internet. His sincerity and hilarious view-point is something that can not be matched. I try and fail miserably…often. Get lost over at Dinosaur Dracula. It’s a great place to be!

Dippy me!

I am so flattered to be apart of this. I have been a fan of Matt and Brian for years and the chance to work (not really work) with them is cooler to me than fishing with Robert DeNiro. Please take time to watch their videos and join the DinoDrac community. Amazing people over there.

It’s nice to have awesome friends like those guys.

Thanks for stopping by!

Loud Burger

I had to make a quick little video for my disgust in regards to the over the top audio in Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s and Kit Kat commercials. I can’t tell you the revolt and anger that comes from hearing an exaggerated chomp sound. Especially the Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr commercials featuring super models biting into a burger that sounds like it’s full of wet glass. I hate it. You hate it. I would rather see Heidi Klum talk about stole softeners than eat a burger with NASA microphones aimed at her mouth.

I want to personally thank Bill Connolly for saying what we all think. Enjoy my short video.

Toxic Sludge: A Beer for the Birds. No, Really.

It has been a little while since I posted but being a working chump doesn’t leave too much time for writing about nonsense and beer. This time I was able to shave off an hour from the grind to talk a little bit about Blue Point’s Toxic Sludge Black IPA. The second I laid eyes on this can I knew it was destined for a star spot on VeggieMacabre. It is one part Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, one part Ghostbusters and three parts Toxic Avenger all equalling one brilliant design that makes you want to stare at it but definitely not consume it.

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The cool thing about Toxic Sludge is that Blue Point Brewery donates a portion of its profits to a bird sanctuary to rehabilitate birds affected by the BP oil spill. It’s a funny design for such a tragic accident but let’s not ruin that with seriousness. Watch the video featuring me, Toxi the Toxic Avenger, that melted guy in Robocop and my buddies at Lost Story Studios, Bo and Brockton.

Sorry for the attire. I told you work has been a bitch.

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