I Love The Smell Of Fall In The Morning

It’s a tough time of the season when you want all of the Halloween stuff out right now but most retailers (looking at you Target) are more concerned with backpacks and *enter boy band here* covered Trapperkeepers. It’s a tease. We are at the 10:20am mark before the menu switches and everyone is fully committed, so you have to kinda take what you get until then. That’s why this morning I am writing about smells of the demonic. Or maybe just Fall.

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Searching Target in vain for anything spooky I settled on their mild nod to the season in the Fall scent aisle. They have a few purely Fall titled sprays between Glade and good ol’ Febreze. If you are not into spays because you think the Ozone still has a sunroof, don’t worry your hippy hair, they make them all in both candles and plug-ins. I picked up the sprays because I need a limited example of each. I can’t smell up each room in my house for this review.

Actually, that would have been pretty cool. Double Shits!

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First on the list we have “Salted Caramel” from Glade, an SC Johnson product. At first glance I thought this to be both amazing and totally Halloween. At first smell, however, I thought this was more “Midnight Cowboy” from CVS. It’s a heavy scent that really doesn’t leave one area. By that I mean there is no permeation but a solid mass that waits for unsuspecting people to walk through it, sticking to their face like a spider web or swarm of mosquitos. You won’t get it out of the back of your throat no matter how many pumpkin beers you gargle with.

The description states it has a “…pop of salty and sweet caramel fragrance.” which is odd. I have smelled sweet things but I can’t recall an account of smelling salty things. Maybe the ocean. I don’t know. C-.

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Switching from candy to leaves, Febrese Air Effects has a their “Falling Leaves” limited edition spray. I was immediately attracted to this for some reason. I think it is just specific memories of cool mornings walking home from a Friday night bash, smelling the wet leaves and cursing the 6am Saturday runners. It’s a distant memory but still an effective one.

But this can does not capture that olfactory sense at all. I think they captured Great Aunt Ann rather than anything Fall. You know the smell; make-up and sixty year old perfume? Yeah, you do. This is another air spray that is better suited to kill any offensive oder by masking it with a different but equally offensive oder. It smells and hangs heavy in the air like an invisible bag of piss, waiting for an unsuspecting passer-by who will most likely have their mouth open. D.

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Here is another SC Johnson product from Glade and this is interesting. “Hayride”? I never knew a Hayride was an attractive smell. If memory serves me right it’s a mix of allergic attack and either horse poop or tractor exhaust depending on which mode of pull the farm chooses. It’s like their “Salted Caramel” idea, I just hope it’s not executed the same.

I like it! It’s really interesting and it does remind me of a Fall scene. It’s not quiet Hayride but it smells a lot like the first day of school. I can’t explain it but taking a huff off this can I am walking into Mt. Bethel Elementary with a backpack larger than my torso and velcro shoes. It’s really incredible! I love it and this is going in the den rather than the last two who are banished to the bathrooms. A-. (The minus is only because it’s not Hayride. That might be a good thing.)

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Finally we come to another Glade spray and while this one isn’t original what so ever, I do believe my saturated nose will enjoy this. “Orchard Apple Cinnamon” can not not smell amazing. It just can’t!

Oh wow. Wow that smells a lot like one of those 365 days a year Christmas shops. When I take a whiff from this I am surrounded by thirty fake and tacky Christmas trees with tacky decor while fat tourists wearing fanny packs slowly meander through the narrow aisles eating soft serve out of a cup. THIS IS NOT HALLOWEEN! WAIT YOUR TURN SPRAY! C. (Will be an A when November first arrives.)

So there you have it. None of these scream Halloween and only one really has something to be proud of. Go to Target and spray these around to see..er…smell for yourself. I am fairly certain “Hayride” will be in your cart. The other three can be used to kill spiders.

Sorry the countdown hasn’t been totally wheels up since my job is not sympathetic to my demon worshiping self but hang on, shit’s about to get real.

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OH! And guess who started their Halloween Countdown? Matt from Dinosaur Dracula started his chainsaw and it’s amazing. Please go there now. NOW! (Click the header)

The Banshee Flash Fun

I love spooky stories and I especially love the spooky stories that have been told for hundreds of years.  It’s like a provocative way to pass superstitions and family stories for generations to enjoy around a fire or scare their kids as they are tucked in for the night. Folklore and legend make for wonderful lessons and childhood memories.

A good example would be when I was probably seven or eight my Great Aunt Margret was tucking me in bed for the night around Christmas time. She was straight off the boat from Ireland just a few years before I was born and I always remember her shrill tone and pure Irish wit as she chastised us for watching TV or late for dinner.  It wasn’t until much later after her death did I learn she would smile when she was really angry. My entire childhood I believed she was only kidding when she yelled, confused by her facial expressions.

I’ll never forget the story that she told me while tucking me in, warning that I needed to be asleep before the Banshee arrived and that every night she could pop in to see if all children were asleep. If they weren’t she would let out a horrible scream and steal their soul. If that story wasn’t terrifying enough, she imitated a Banshee-like scream at the top of her lungs, raising her hands in grabbing motions and that terrible, terrible look on her face as she finished to a growl still sticks with me today.

That’s an excuse to piss the bed if ever there was one. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Great Aunt Margret didn’t have any kids.

To this day the legend of the Banshee is one of my favorites like the Headless Horseman or Dracula. The thought of a horrible female ghost coming in a house at night to collect souls really had me quaking under the sheets as a kid but now that I am an adult, it’s a fun story. That’s why this amazing flash animation of The Banshee by Ed Bain at the site, Darkartsmedia.com, is so great and unbelievably well done.

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This short animation has such an eerie feel to it. You listen to the ghostly winds and the lack of music adds to the dreary and melancholy effect as a woman tells her story of the Banshee coming to reap the soul of her grandmother.

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The story has a bit of everything that makes the hairs stand on the back of the neck from the graves to the skeletons creeping behind the Banshee. The narrator tells of farm hands who report seeing a young girl walking alone in the woods and when they call she disappears. That is pretty creepy, I will admit.

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It ends with the Banshee screaming out at night from the roof of the house of the narrator as she took her Grandmother’s soul. The moon turns blood-red and skeletons creep up the yard towards the house.

She did, however, fail to include the part when she shit her pants. I guess that would detract from the story but I wouldn’t lay blame for something I would absolutely do.

This is a cool little piece of the internet that I like to visit when the days get a little shorter and the air is crisp. Please take a gander and turn the speakers up high. Ed suggests visiting between the hours of 3am and 4am.

It requires Adobe Flash so unfortunately iPads and iPhones aren’t able to play this but everything else should be A-OKAY. Truly a love of mine.

THE BANSHEE

 

Blasts From the Past

It’s a glorious Saturday. The weather is cooler than usual, the coffee tastes better than usual and the internet is faster than usual. All-in-all, it’s an unusual day for the better. So I am going to enjoy it and head to the pool, then East to my buddy’s place so I can get mad love from his awesome 3-year-old and watch horrible VHS from the 1980’s until the wee hours of the morning.

But I am not going to abandon my freakish duty and not post. Oh no, I will share some older Halloween-ish posts from seasons gone by. Enjoy and I will be around the Twitter-sphere if you want to drop me a line. It’s an all day party here!

Click on the links below the photos. Beware!

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A Drop of Water recap. Or…pee pants.

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A movie rental that started it all.

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My pal, Kenny, and the real Michael Meyers house in NC!

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Frightfest at Six Flags and my permanent ban thanks to Moon Pies and a Looping Starship.

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Favorite Tales from the Darkside Episode. And I believe the very first, too!

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WTF is that?!?!?! Well, that’s embarrassing.

So that should keep you busy and remember, follow me on Twitter for stupid photos and possibly drunken haikus. Ok, probable drunken haikus. I’m to the left of this post.

The Most Crazy Short On YouTube: SMILE

This is a story that needs to be told.

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A long time ago I had the great experience of going to Israel as a soldier for the US Army. It wasn’t for the state of Israel but as a joint training effort and it was very, very short. I actually never talk about it and even my closest family members don’t know of this trip. It was both fun and terrifying and as a young man, I let it shape my very being.

I was on the Lebanese border. I saw real-time death.  It was fucking crazy. Eight went and seven came back. Real world shit. (these sentences need to be short.)

But that is not what this is about. This is about Elfie and the awesome Israeli people I was around. They are amazing and this is a great horror-short that exemplifies how amazing, talented and liberal the Israeli people are. I love them and we need to let them know their horror is the type that needs to be shared.

I love this because not only is it an identifiable story it’s so well done. They hit every spacial disorientation from language mixing to basic “did I just do that” confusion. It’s a masterpiece and no one knows it. Or maybe everyone does and I have been sitting on it for years.

Either way, it’s a great story and I am excited to share it with those who don’t know it.

Shalom! I truly love you, Israel!

SMILE

 

 

 

Halloween Season In Session….Almost

Today is the day that I kick off the long and thrilling road to All Hallow’s Eve. This will be a journey that will go down in history for this six-year-old blog and hopefully be an ongoing thing until either I croak or discover something better. Highly doubtful there is something better though, considering this years lineup of activity. I don’t want to spoil the surprises so be sure to tune in every evening for posts, articles, reviews, videos, giveaways, and lots more.

So before we officially begin I made a short clip of what you can expect. There’s little horror, a touch of beer, a dash of a new series called “Spooky North Carolina”, just a pinch of buddies like Matt from Dinosaur Dracula and Brian and Tim from Review the World, and a jug of Kimmie who is amazing. That’s just 1/100th of the season.

Let the show begin!