Ruprecht: The Christmas Reindouche

Meet Ruprecht

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Ruprecht is a Reindeer that is sired from Samhain’s loins and born from ill-gotten stock. His means are of the ne’er-do-well purpose and will always plot your demise no matter how bad you want to scratch his cat-like chin. He is a demon who makes Pazuzu look like Odie. He hates you.

I am not sure what the reasoning is but Ruprecht has a special assignment with Veggiemacabre this Christmas and I am pretty sure it’s from a drunken Ouija board night when I asked for Powerball numbers. My lotto picks usually have three sixes in them. Too many Satanic movies have a money driven subplot for me to ignore.

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*sigh* He’s a real dick, that Ruprecht, but we are stuck together through the holiday season and it’s our mission to write and make videos of everything Christmas. If I refuse, he just might kill me.

Seriously, did you ever see the movie Tales From the Darkside when the cat jumped down David Johansen’s throat? Yeah, that shit can happen if I look at him wrong. Also, if I  forget to remove Mikes from his Mike and Ikes, change the channel in the middle of Judge Judy or fail to include Tyler Perry’s name before any of his movie titles. 

So, long story short, Ruprecht and I will be guiding you through this crazy holiday and if your soul is in limbo, he just might collect it. But don’t be scared, I could probably talk you free from a hellish limo with a friendly wager of Go Fish. He sucks at 50/50 wagers.

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Beware! You will be visited by a post at the stroke of something-sometime tomorrow. Keep your shit wired tight and remember, keep repeating, this is only a blog…this is only a blog…this is only a blog.

Tis the Season.

Four Drinks That Are Terrible For You. But Fun.

I think this is a good time to write this particular post since I am beyond exhausted after a hellish trip to nowhere. Literally, I ended up nowhere only to come into work destroyed and ready for another weekend. I half blame US Air and half blame the fucking asshole who took my briefcase when I was shutting my eyes after not sleeping for a day. But that is history and now I want to tell you about themed energy drinks from pop culture gold. Ba-zing.

I found these tucked in the far back aisle of the Five Below store. If you are unfamiliar with the Five Below store, it’s like a general store but specifically for an eleven-year-old girl. Why was I there, you ask? I needed 3 foot long Twizzlers and I heard they sold them. They did. But in that endeavor, I also found these.

Okay, let’s get this one out-of-the-way. I know almost nothing about My Little Ponies and to be honest, I needed a tough and macabre background just to save a little dignity for this site. But who am I kidding, I kissed dignity bye-bye a long time ago. You will notice the Famous Monsters magazine from an older post as the backdrop and 3-D Monster dot com’s art in sticker form below the can. I say that makes up for a girl toy.

Anyway, Rainbow Dash’s Fizzy Cherry Splash energy drink is something you never want to feed a kid. Why it exists at all, I have no idea. It is a pink sour drink that only has a purpose to quickly transport 28 grams of sugar into the veins for an instant up and a terrible crash. If you give this to an eight year old girl she will grow a beard, jump on the roof and start singing “Strange Love” by Depeche Mode until the high disappears leaving her trapped on the roof. Then you will need to throw up another can but she will only be chasing the dragon, much like what Rainbow Dash is appeared to be doing. It’s a sad and twisted cycle. But what do you expect when you read “Hasbro” on the side of an edible product?

To sum this up, take a cherry Otter Pop and melt it. Then add a wee little bit of carbonation and ta-da, you have Fizzy Cherry Splash. And it will kill you.

Here we are! Pac-Man will always save the day when it comes to weird novelty items. There is something that is timeless about the big ol’ wheel of ghost eating cheese. I never got into the spinoff cartoon or future video games that expanded on the Pac-Man universe so it’s hard for me to really understand his diet. I guess it was primarily ghost sheets, an occasional cherry and a lot of Kix cereal? But we are drifting from the drink.

It’s not quiet as in-your-face-terrible-for-you like the My Little Pony energy drink because this one actually has vitamin B and B12. Not a lot but hey, even 1% is better than none. The flavor is pretty tough to put a finger on especially when the color hints at cherry but it’s not. The can doesn’t even help. The closest guess I had was either cyanocobalamin or hydrochloride. HYDROCHLORIDE??? What the fuck am I drinking? Isn’t that what takes the algae off house siding? What ever it is, the taste is closest to Juicy Fruit. Poisonous, poisonous Juicy Fruit.

Power up with Nintendo Power! Boy, if there is something that will get me to look away from a burning car for a second it’s a glimpse of Nintendo nostalgia. It’s not that I was really into Nintendo growing up all that much (unless you are talking about Super Mario 2) but it’s just gets me warm and fuzzy. And the thought of getting a real 1up in a can from Mario makes me warmer.

God, that last sentence doesn’t sound good.

Upon tasting this Power Up energy drink it was equally mysterious in flavor. So I compared the Pac-Man drink against this one and it was like comparing two blank sheets of paper. Then I realized I am an idiot and confirmed both energy drinks are the exact same. I felt like I had been looking for my sunglasses in the house and being pissed off at how dark things are only to find them. On my face.

Yes folks, it’s all in the packaging so if you want to know how this energy drink tastes, try to remember what you just read above.

This next drink deserves a little more attention. So I shot a video.

Well folks, there you have it. A few energy drinks from iconic 80’s and 90’s pop culture and it only cost me a year off my life and possible tooth abrasion. I do it all for you.

The evil geniuses behind these drinks are the good people of Boston America Corp. I guess I should thank them.

Something Something!

I can’t say what right now, but I am working on a joint project with a couple buddies of mine. I am sure you know of them if you have read anything for any amount of time here. It will be mostly videos and reviews and I promise you, their videos will be far more entertaining than mine. But don’t worry! They will all be posted here as well as on their site. It’s a great way to break up monotony because this time of the year has shit for holidays.

Until then, I am practicing my gif skills but you need to click on it. (told you I am practicing)

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I am not sure when this will start because that really isn’t up to me but I have already commenced on my end and we should have something in stone before long. Work has been a real dick so this distraction is very welcomed. Keep your hopes high.

Lando Calrissian Disguise Kit: Smoooooth

It isn’t very often that I have buyers remorse on eBaby and this time is no exception. While strolling the virtual aisle of eBay in the “nerd” section I stumbled across and item that I could not say no to. Actually, I am shocked anyone could say no to this. May I present to you…

…the Lando Calrissian Disguise Kit. Holy cow!

I know that this is just a novelty item but it’s nice to see LucasFilm Ltd has a bit of a sense of humor. Now if only they had official Star Wars Colt 45 12 packs for sale. Now that would be more of a VeggieMacabre-type item for review. Until they do that, you’ll have to just watch this.  Enjoy!

 

 

What the What?

I know, right? I didn’t get the memo that Halloween is coming up in just a few short days. Man, these past weeks have been so busy and unfortunately, it hasn’t been for the spooky better. No, it has been a whole lot of work but as a guy in his thirties, what would one expect? So let’s recap what was so great about the season and then I will give you a little peak at what I have been working on for the next two seasons.

If you have not been living in a bomb shelter under the sea then you know the second season of AMC’s The Walking Dead is in full motion and it as intense as ever. I really can’t think of a better zombie epic story (word jumble!) than this one and there are a couple of reasons for that.

  1. The character development. I know that cliché characters can be drawn early in this series but as the story progresses we find out that not all of these people represent the masses. It is survival. The weak step up, the strong fall, the heroes become villains and the kids…well…they die too. It’s a realistic view of humanity.
  2. The story. We all know that the probability of a zombie apocalypse is remote. Okay, impossible, but as a guy it is fun to think about! This particular outcome is as believable as it gets. It is hopeless and as a viewer, we feel the same desperation as the characters because the world is ending and there is no way out.
  3. The Zombies. Holy Hannah! I know special effects are light years ahead of Day of the Dead but these zombies of The Walking Dead are amazing. It is crazy to think of the actors  behind these creatures. The makeup and movement make these things truly terrifying and while they don’t haul ass like the remade Dawn of the Dead, they are just as formidable. For the first time watching a zombie movie, I really felt like these things are unstoppable and will, at the end of the day, win.

The 2011 Fall beer review went okay. I am still not done posting these because I have two videos and a surprise guest to help me delve into my favorite picks so hopefully by Monday, the 31st, I will have all of them up and finished. But I think when you see what I have in store for Thanksgiving and Christmas you might just pass the reviews. Anyway, I failed miserably on a few because they aren’t even available to buy anymore. My fault! That was my fault. We will make it up to you. I swear.

So, what is next for the site and so on? Well, if you care to know I have been hard at work redoing a lot of what I didn’t care for during the Halloween season. This site (Veggiemacabre.TV) will be an interactive media site and will be reviewing quirky X-mas items and places. I have more time for these type of reviews in November and definitely in December. The Halloween train always slows a bit by now so luckily I have been distracted enough with CSS coding and Vince Gauraldi.

So, we have a final few days. I am busy right now working on some Halloween-ish stuff and I will post them up as soon as they are done. Be well and have fun this weekend. Remember to let Mom and Dad check your candy!

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